|
|
- Doesn’t inform you of upcoming school activities (especially unexpected ones)
- Expresses no enthusiasm for fun events you’re doing with the child (vacations, amusement parks, etc)
- Limits child’s cellphone usage, so you’ll rarely get a call or text
- Limits child’s email usage
- Refers to you by your first name in their home (Dad becomes “David;” Mom becomes “Julie”)
- Accomplishes a post-visitation shakedown, extracting as much info as possible to find negatives
- Hands the phone directly to the child when you call, avoiding even civil conversation with you
- Pops anti-depressant pills (as many have a history of depression)
- Able to hold resentment towards young, innocent children (ie. your children from another marriage)
- Never calls you when the child is sick or taken out of school for a day or more
- Teaches the child adult things to tell you, such as “I don’t feel comfortable about the duration of our summer visitation, Dad”
- Teaches the child how to despise or hate another human being (that being you, of course)
- Labels themselves the “good” parent; label you the “bad” parent
- Tells the child false stories about their childhood
- Tells the child how he or she was victimized by you and your actions (while taking no blame at all for the divorce)
- Teaches the child how to lie to you (coating their little hearts with false malice and scorn)
- Diminishes your extended family’s worth
- Says to you words like, “I always encourage her to see you;” “I’ve never told him you’re a jerk” while actually doing the precise opposite
- Neglects to have the child call you for your birthday, on New Year’s Eve, or other important dates
- Uses a cellphone as a leash while the child is with you
- Never gets the child excited about seeing you
- Reminds the child of all that he or she will be missing while with you and away from them
- Inflicts his or her unhappiness onto the child (as alienators are deeply unhappy people)
- Attempts via a lawyer to reduce visitation to that even below family court minimum standards
- Takes the child out of state without a peep, while demands precise details whenever you travel with them
- Monopolizes the child’s time for hours on the phone (if you let them)
- Views any event in the child’s life– a distant Aunt’s birthday, a friend’s birthday, etc– as more important than time with you
- Teaches the children from their current marriage to despise you
- Is jealous of anything fun and memorable you do with the child (as they view the good times as a “threat”)
- Gripes about things you’re doing as a parent to the child, but says nothing to you about it
- Has outbursts around the child (extremely emotional and dramatic ones)
- Lacks a filter; spilling any adult topic into the child’s head
|
The scholarly work Divorce Casualties: Protecting Your Child From Parental Alienation (Darnell 1998), leading author and child psychologist Dr. Douglas Darnell listed some of the clustering signs of commonalities that form what has become known as Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). PAS has striking similarities to NPD and the Stockholm Syndrome (Rawlings et al., 1994, pp. 401– 417), where the “victim sees world from abuser’s perspective” and “denies or rationalizes violence by the abuser.”
The following are adapted from Darnell et al in relation to Parental Alienation (Syndrome):
- They have a relentless hatred for towards the targeted parent(s)
- They parrot the obsessed alienator
- The child does not want to visit or spend any time with the targeted parent
- Many of the child’s beliefs are enmeshed with the alienator
- The beliefs are delusional and frequently irrational
- They are not intimidated by the court
- Frequently, their reasons are not based on personal experiences with the targeted parent, but reflect what they are told by the obsessed alienator.
- They have difficulty making any differentiations between the two
- The child has no ambivalence in their feelings; it’s all hatred with no ability to see the good
- Victim identifies, enmeshes and aligns through the abuser and the abuser’s allies. Seeing things from the perspective of the perpetrators
- They have no capacity to feel guilty about how they behave towards the targeted parent or forgive any past indiscretions
- They share the Obsessed Alienators cause. Together, they are in lockstep to denigrate the hated parent
- The children’s obsessional hatred extends to the targeted parent’s extended family without any guilt or remorse
- They can appear like normal healthy children until asked about the targeted parent that triggers their hatred (Darnell, 2003, 33–34)
These signs not only assist us in understanding Parental Alienation, but also help therapists identify children whose narcissistic and alienating parents drive them to a campaign of hate. Sandy Hotchkiss, author of the book on this most prevalent personality disorder: Why Is It Always About You? The Seven Sins of Narcissism, sums up a root cause of this mentality in America:
The ‘pseudomature’ child is the one who seems to have skipped right over childhood. Both the ‘pseudomature’ child and the ‘entitlement monster’ are bi-products of narcissistic parenting. The latter is held captive in a parent’s narcissistic bubble, while the former is forced out prematurely and forms a false Self that appears more competent than it actually is.
Both fail to separate from their emotionally bankrupt mothers, and they become what Mother, or Father, needs them to be rather than whom they truly are. (Hotchkiss, 2003, pp. 56–57)
In his scholarly work Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent-Child Bond from a Vindictive Ex, Dr. Richard Warshak eloquently listed the areas like “corrupting reality,” which the NPA is especially renowned: “. . . To intervene effectively in a campaign of denigration, we must understand exactly how the child’s view of reality is being manipulated. Below is a summary of some of the most common strategies for distorting the child’s perceptions, beliefs, and memories of the target” (Warshak, 2001, pp. 202–203).
- Manipulating names to disrupt children’s identification with the target
- Repeating false ideas until: they are assumed to be true and are embedded in memory
- Selectively directing the children’s attention to negative aspects of the target while ignoring positive aspects
- Dropping the context of a target’s behavior
- Exaggerating the target’s negative behavior
- Telling lies about the target
- Revising history to erase positive memories of the target
- Claiming that the target has totally changed
- Suggestions that convey in a covert manner negative messages about the target
- Encouraging the children to exploit: the target
- Projection of the brainwasher own thoughts, feelings, or behavior onto the target
- Rationalizations that hide the perpetrator’s real motives and make the target look bad
- Self-righteous tones intended to ward off careful scrutiny of the programmer’s reality distortions
- Denunciations cloaked in religious dogma
- Associating the label “the truth” with the programmer’s implanted scenarios
- Overindulging the children with excessive privileges, material possessions, and low expectations for responsible behavior to buy their allegiance
- Encroaching on the children’s time with the target and sabotaging their enjoyment of special activities
- Instructing children to keep secrets from, spy on, and lie to the target
- Conspiring with others to reinforce the programming
- Programming the children to resist attempts to undo their indoctrination
Narcissistic children often become like their narcissistic alienating parent, but one should wisely keep in mind that “narcissistic traits may be particularly common in adolescents and do not necessarily indicate that the individual will go on to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder” ~ American Psychiatric Association, 1994, p. 660.
For some therapists, identifying a NPA is beyond their skill-set and may themselves join in the bad-mouthing of target parents whom they have never met. Some uninvited therapists become involved as the NPA’s activist and go so far as to write inflammatory and/or defamatory letters to courts containing fictitious claims, diatribes and false histories based upon the NPA’s fabrications and those of a disturbed child.
NPAs often do not perform background checks, and may even knowingly choose some individuals to represent them or the child, because of their naivety and easiness to be manipulated, or their reputation as a hired-gun.
NPA choices for legal and mental health representation, for example, may include individuals with previous warrants, or who willfully commit perjury in court, or who misrepresent their case histories on a website, or even live with a cross-dressing partner with gender issues while allowing their own children to remain in such an environment. It is imperative for target parents to complete a thorough check with the state licensing board, the courthouse or the bar association before agreeing to an attorney, therapist, or evaluator to represent their child which can often save thousands of dollars in the long run.
Regarding chronically alienated children, it is estimated that up to 40 percent develop an alignment with the alienator and have no problem over and over again to denigrate and outright reject the other parent and everything they say. These children tend to loose the spirit and soul that once nurtured a love for the NPA’s target as they refuse to bite the hand that feeds them by nurturing unwavering hatred. These children are psychologically abused by the alienator and inanely believe the target parent to be evil and horrible, when in fact; it is the NPA who qualifies for that status.
Research studies should be performed regarding NPAs, to assist unskilled therapists to identify the real abuser instead of inadvertently advocating NPA deception and blaming the target parent. Even an experienced or renowned therapist is quite capable of being bamboozled to breach ethical standards and professional objectivity by treating and performing a custody evaluation with the child simultaneously.
When narcissistic parents are too absorbed with their own preoccupations to spend time with their kids, they often raise narcissistic children, or at least children with profound narcissistic vulnerabilities, such as shame-sensitivity and the inability to manage intense negative feelings or to control their own aggressive impulses.
Several years ago, a study of elementary-school-aged boys showed that those who were already identified as aggressive were less skillful than their more docile peers at accurately interpreting the behavior of others their age and were more likely to read intentional hostility into an ambiguous situation and respond with a preemptive strike. (Hotchkiss, 2003, p. 99)
Often, years pass with exploitative and repetitive brainwashing, denigration, and manipulation of the child against the target parent, and that, as the child matures into a teenager or adult, they become truly incapable of making sound and healthy choices, because irreversible damage has occurred. Few parents maintain the financial and psychological endurance against narcissistic abuse or have the skills to uncover the pettifoggery, before the child’s mind is completely altered and initiated into the alienator’s cult of parenthood. Experts and courts need to appreciate that time is of the essence.
Inexperienced therapists, evaluators, and often judges do not take into account when a child or teen has been subjected to years of poor behavior by an NPA prior to divorce or custody disputes and who have imposed such unbalanced and warped ideas on their offspring. When a teen claims to take their own stand on making mature adult choices, such a thought pattern needs to be addressed and corrected. Haven’t we all seen enough parental and juvenile dysfunction increase in the news over the last decades?
The rates of teen violence and peer crimes are on the rise because so many NPAs are never home to parent (often out on “business” dates, using drugs or alcohol) and they refuse to allow the target parent to assist. Often these types of NPAs will veil their paramour under the guise of being a friend or babysitter and then further deceive their former spouse and professionals by remarrying that individual with the hidden intention to cause further hurt to the target parent through the purchasing of the “synthetic replacement.” It is not uncommon for the NPA’s extended family to contribute to the alienating process by participating in concealing such facts.
High level brainwashers (parents actively campaigning to eliminate an ex from the child’s life) very frequently have a “You owe me” expectation once the child becomes an adult. How does this come about?
HOW does one deal with a Child lying to the Courthouse in order to protect "friends" from incarceration for illegal activity, while degrading their parent, and denying any/all contact with that parent - now going on for OVER TWO YEARS.
ReplyDeleteIT IS BREAKING MY HEART EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY.
YOUR ASSISTANCE WOULD BE OF GREAT HELP -
THE COURT IS REFUSING ANY/ALL COMMUNICATION WITH CHILD....OVER UNCONFIRMED LIES TOLD TO THE COURT.
PLEASE HELP.
It's human nature to seek out a partner in life, and to possibly marry and have children. Unfortunately the matrimonial establishment, as we are all aware, is being methodically torn down by a demoralized society. Sadly the divorce rate is still on the rise and the foundation of marriage is being devalued and is crumbling. As adults we learn to adapt and move on when divorce attacks our lives but for children this is another story. They are the real victims of divorce and unfortunately they will suffer dearly from our selfishness and in most cases follow the same path of destruction if not worse.
ReplyDeleteAs a nation we have been granted certain civil rights by our constitution. Through the years it has been amended to better the lives of many Americans. The two most notable changes have come to Women in the 1920s and with African Americans in the 1960s. These rights were long overdue for both segments of our nation but thankfully we realized our mistakes and corrected them. This was not an easy journey for either of these crusades but through dedication and perseverance the bells of liberty rang loudly and victory was achieved.
Unfortunately we have reached yet another fork in the road and with that comes another challenge to the American people. "We've worked hard for women's rights, but we have to watch out that the pendulum doesn't swing the other way" says Ruthie J. of the Reach FM. Ironically the pendulum has already swung far to one side and this time the male gender is being demonized by erroneous and fraudulent information. Males are being portrayed as callus, uncaring, and without emotion. We are being taught that men represent 95% of abuse in this nation against women. These and many other false statistics are being recklessly strewn throughout society and none of it is true. Yes, women are being abused by men that is a fact. striking a woman is abhorrent to the highest degree and should be dealt with appropriately but men are abused at an equal rate and they are being ignored. According to a study by the Center for Disease Control men represent 38% of domestic violence related injuries. Compound that with the fact that only 0.9% of men report abuse verses 8.5% of women and I think we have a pretty equal degree of violence between partners.
The cornerstone of this "abuse" is VAWA the Violence Against Women Act. It was passed into law by Bill Clinton in 1994 and has been extended by every subsequent President. This law funnels Billions of dollars into discriminatory education and propaganda that violates men's civil rights. Many times DVIs or Domestic Violence Injunctions are used as a tool in divorce, child custody or just vengeance against a partner, most often against males. This is because the system of acquiring a DVI is simple and requires no evidence, witnesses or prior police reports. Just the word of an alleged victim making a claim of abuse. The repercussions of these orders are devastating and many times result in a violation, arrest and complete destruction of one's life. Even in cases when they are dismissed, a serious blemish remains on the falsely accused forever; how does that look to potential employers who almost always perform background checks prior to employment? This must be stopped and a better system of protecting all victims of domestic violence should be put in place.
I hope to help bring awareness to gender discrimination and help provide support for men who are abused. There are programs to help women of abuse but nothing for men. My website will provide more information on the facts, my personal experiences and the stories of those who have been victims of this heinous tactic of relationship vengeance. Men and women should truly have equal rights and currently the scales are unjustly tilted. Let's work together to end domestic violence and not vilify one gender as inherently abusive. "United we stand, divided we fall" A powerful statement that we must never forget.
Thank you,
Tom Lemons
Founder, www.falsedvireports.com
PRO SE RIGHTS:
ReplyDeleteSims v. Aherns, 271 SW 720 (1925) ~ "The practice of law is an occupation of common right."
Brotherhood of Trainmen v. Virginia ex rel. Virginia State Bar, 377 U.S. 1; v. Wainwright, 372 U.S. 335; Argersinger v. Hamlin, Sheriff 407 U.S. 425 ~ Litigants can be assisted by unlicensed laymen during judicial proceedings.
Conley v. Gibson, 355 U.S. 41 at 48 (1957) ~ "Following the simple guide of rule 8(f) that all pleadings shall be so construed as to do substantial justice"... "The federal rules reject the approach that pleading is a game of skill in which one misstep by counsel may be decisive to the outcome and accept the principle that the purpose of pleading is to facilitate a proper decision on the merits." The court also cited Rule 8(f) FRCP, which holds that all pleadings shall be construed to do substantial justice.
Davis v. Wechler, 263 U.S. 22, 24; Stromberb v. California, 283 U.S. 359; NAACP v. Alabama, 375 U.S. 449 ~ "The assertion of federal rights, when plainly and reasonably made, are not to be defeated under the name of local practice."
Elmore v. McCammon (1986) 640 F. Supp. 905 ~ "... the right to file a lawsuit pro se is one of the most important rights under the constitution and laws."
Federal Rules of Civil Procedures, Rule 17, 28 USCA "Next Friend" ~ A next friend is a person who represents someone who is unable to tend to his or her own interest.
Haines v. Kerner, 404 U.S. 519 (1972) ~ "Allegations such as those asserted by petitioner, however inartfully pleaded, are sufficient"... "which we hold to less stringent standards than formal pleadings drafted by lawyers."
Jenkins v. McKeithen, 395 U.S. 411, 421 (1959); Picking v. Pennsylvania R. Co., 151 Fed 2nd 240; Pucket v. Cox, 456 2nd 233 ~ Pro se pleadings are to be considered without regard to technicality; pro se litigants' pleadings are not to be held to the same high standards of perfection as lawyers.
Maty v. Grasselli Chemical Co., 303 U.S. 197 (1938) ~ "Pleadings are intended to serve as a means of arriving at fair and just settlements of controversies between litigants. They should not raise barriers which prevent the achievement of that end. Proper pleading is important, but its importance consists in its effectiveness as a means to accomplish the end of a just judgment."
NAACP v. Button, 371 U.S. 415); United Mineworkers of America v. Gibbs, 383 U.S. 715; and Johnson v. Avery, 89 S. Ct. 747 (1969) ~ Members of groups who are competent nonlawyers can assist other members of the group achieve the goals of the group in court without being charged with "unauthorized practice of law."
Picking v. Pennsylvania Railway, 151 F.2d. 240, Third Circuit Court of Appeals ~ The plaintiff's civil rights pleading was 150 pages and described by a federal judge as "inept". Nevertheless, it was held "Where a plaintiff pleads pro se in a suit for protection of civil rights, the Court should endeavor to construe Plaintiff's Pleadings without regard to technicalities."
Puckett v. Cox, 456 F. 2d 233 (1972) (6th Cir. USCA) ~ It was held that a pro se complaint requires a less stringent reading than one drafted by a lawyer per Justice Black in Conley v. Gibson (see case listed above, Pro Se Rights Section).
Roadway Express v. Pipe, 447 U.S. 752 at 757 (1982) ~ "Due to sloth, inattention or desire to seize tactical advantage, lawyers have long engaged in dilatory practices... the glacial pace of much litigation breeds frustration with the Federal Courts and ultimately, disrespect for the law."
Sherar v. Cullen, 481 F. 2d 946 (1973) ~ "There can be no sanction or penalty imposed upon one because of his exercise of Constitutional Rights."
Schware v. Board of Examiners, United State Reports 353 U.S. pages 238, 239. ~ "The practice of law cannot be licensed by any state/State."