No words exist to adequately describe what a father goes through when he gets divorced

A Committed, Divorced Father Story

No words exist to adequately describe what a father goes through when he gets divorced. He loses a wife who he had intended to spend the rest of his life with. He also usually loses his legacy by being removed from his own children. But he doesn’t have to and neither do you. You can do as much as you can given your limitations. Do your best to remain cordial with your ex and don’t talk about her negatively to your kids. This way you’ll gain greater access to your children. You may be able to call every night and read them a bedtime story. You can go to parent-teacher conferences. You can send cards to them and bring back souvenirs from trips you go on. You can attend their sporting events and ballet recitals. Whatever it is, your kids need you involved. You didn’t get a divorce from them. You’re their father. Forever. [Tweet This]

Here is one divorced dad’s story of all he had to overcome to be an All Pro Dad to his kids:

I am the father of seven wonderful children, four from a previous marriage (three boys and one girl) and three boys from my present marriage. During my first marriage, I would wrestle with thoughts of falling short as a father and going through a divorce only amplified those feelings. I cried myself to sleep many nights, and after dropping off the older children at their mother’s house after my times of visitation, I would not be able to go straight home and face the pain of no children to greet me.

I can understand why some non-custodial fathers move away from their children–not because they do not love their children but because of the pain and the emotional roller coaster they go through. It is their way of dealing with their pain or should I say their way of not dealing with it. I do not agree with this action, but I can understand their motivation.

In order to stay close to my children and remain involved in their lives, I turned down several promotional opportunities with my employer that would have moved me away from my children. After buying a home in the same school district as my older children and attempting to gain joint custody of my older children, my ex-wife moved to a small town 45 minutes away. At the time of this move, my older children were ages 7 – 13. Even though it was not that far away, it prevented joint custody from becoming possible and made it more difficult to see my children as often especially their school activities.

Six years later, my ex-wife moved seven hours away with the two youngest of the older children who were ages 13 and 12. (I live in Iowa and they moved to Indiana.) My oldest son had graduated from high school and the next oldest son lived with his best friend to finish his senior year. I was then only able to see my two children in Indiana one weekend a month, and due to the children’s school schedules, there were some months where I do not get to see them at all–unless I drove to Indiana and rented a hotel room for the weekend. I have missed out on their first dates, seeing them dress up as they go to events, such as Homecoming and Prom, and seeing them compete in athletic events. Not only has it made it difficult for me to maintain a relationship with my older children, but my three little boys sure miss their older siblings. (I have kept in contact via phone calls and emails, driving to Indiana a few times a year to watch them compete in a few track and cross country meets, and my regular scheduled visitations.)

Through all of this, my older children have turned out wonderfully. My oldest son joined the military immediately following 9-11, and saw combat with the 101st Airborne in both Afghanistan and Iraq before he received an honorable medical discharge for a non-combat injury in Iraq . He is now married and pursuing a degree in criminal justice. My second oldest son has lived with me for the past 3+ years while going to college, and our relationship has grown.  My third oldest son graduated from high school last year with honors, is currently going through training to be an Army Ranger, and is planning on pursuing a medical degree after leaving the Army. My only daughter is in her junior year of high school, on the honor roll, and at this time, is planning on becoming a pediatrician. 

They all love the Lord.My two children who moved to Indiana have told me more than once that they have friends who have divorced parents and hardly, if ever, see their fathers who live close by. They are amazed when my children tell them that I drive to Indiana to see them. Even though I have not been able to see my older children as frequently as I would like, my children and I are thankful for the relationship that we do have.

While divorce is difficult, I want to encourage others that you can remain close to your children if you commit to the time that it takes.

Related Resource:  12 Ways to of a Hands-On Parent

5 Ways to Use Technology to Bond with Your Children

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We only support organizations who show an understanding that children need both parents, and that either parent is equally capable of the choice to perpetrate hate or declare peace.

Post by Pro Se Litigation.

Let's stop playing the gender blame game

A POLICY BASED ON EVIDENCE? LETS START WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Your editorial called for policy to be based on evidence. Let's start with policy on domestic violence. On December 5, 2011 the day before the annual anniversary of the Montreal massacre, the FREDA Centre at Simon Fraser University released a report, funded by the Justice Institute of British Columbia entitled 'Domestic Violence Prevention and Reduction in BC 2000- 2010.

The executive summary of the report took all of two paragraphs to define domestic violence as violence against women and then to "justifies the use of this term to reflect the language adopted by provincial policy without losing the gendered language of feminist scholars".

These "feminist scholars" have sold us a bill of goods. In November of 2011, Daphne Bramham wrote an article on domestic violence claiming that half of all BC women had been either physically or sexually assaulted and that only 8% of domestic violence victims are male ( elderly or disabled males as she put it).

Both the report and her article misrepresent domestic violence in crucial ways that influence our currently ineffective response to the problem. Domestic violence statistics are often inflated from government systems. Criminal justice statistics of domestic violence reflect not only true rates but also systematic biases in the way the police handle and subsequently record domestic violence.

Women are ten times more likely than men to call the police for domestic violence intervention (1) and far more likely to get a police response, including arrest (2). Hence, it appears from police statistics that men are the most frequent perpetrators. The reality is that when large sample victim surveys ask about domestic violence , the stereotype of the male as a perpetrator/bully and the female as hapless victim is not supported by the data.

Surveys from 1989 to 2007 keep finding the same thing; that women perpetrate domestic violence (including severe domestic violence) at least as much as men (3) and the most common form of domestic violence is two -way- both partners assault each other at the same level of severity.(4 5) Women are hurt somewhat more but only somewhat- men get hurt too for the obvious reason that everyday weapons get used, knives, frying pans, and boiling water, amongst other things(6) Here's another surprise, according to a recent survey by the Center for Disease Control, "husband battering" (where the woman uses severe violence against a non-violent man) is three times more common than wife battering(7).

Stats Can surveys also find gender equality in domestic violence perpetration and victimization rates (which they put at 1.3% per year) (4,8) . Controlled studies find that the same action is viewed differently by research subjects when the genders of the perpetrator and victim are varied.(9,10) If a man does it (for example- asks his wife where she has been) it is seen as abuse or control. If a woman does it, it's not. These results are found whether the research subjects are the general public or professional psychologists.

When the first shelter for battered men was set up in New Hampshire, the men reported that when they had called local women's shelters to ask for help they were told that they were the real batterers. All of these men had been injured, many were severely injured (11). When a spousal homicide occurs, the media asks the head of a local women's shelter why it happens. She will inevitably describe it as another example of violence towards women. When Marc Lepine killed women in a mass shooting in Montreal, it was presented as an example of male violence towards women. When Denis Lortie killed people in the Quebec Assembly the year before, he was simply a madman. The truth is, they were both psychotic.

The gender paradigm that shapes our views on domestic violence is pervasive and affects everything from police responses to custody decisions in family court (12). The problem is the scientific data do not support the gender paradigm beliefs- they were just a political theory that was wrong when it was written and is even more askew in the present.

We could improve our response to domestic violence by focusing more on prevention programmes and dropping the current government sanctioned discrimination that allows only women into shelters. Many abusive couples would benefit more from marriage counselors than the so called ineffective "psychoeducational" programmes currently in use.

Time for a change!

FROM: Prof-Don Dutton  --  TO: The Editor, Vancouver Sun

Don Dutton is a professor of psychology at the university of British Columbia.

"Family Court is a bizarre system that encourages parents to use disturbing tactics."

Childrens Rights Florida campaign leader

Ron B Palmer is the President and founder of Fix Family Courts. He has passionately dedicated many hundreds of hours to researching state and federal appellate court decisions on family law matters. He routinely distills this information into powerful arguments for the protection of parental rights which he believes is necessary to protect children. He firmly believes that children are best protected and nurtured by having two fit parents in their lives who each have equal parental authority regardless of their marital status. He believes this is true even though some small percentage of parents harm their children.

As an entrepreneur and mother of 5 Sherry graduated with a bachelor’s degree from the University of North Texas in proposal writing from the college of community service at the University of North Texas before co-founding Fix Family Courts with her husband and partner, Ron B Palmer. Sherry has twice in her life had to face down oppressive court systems trying to harm her life. First as a young child growing up in the streets of California she had to fight judges and state bureaucrats simply to remain in her normal public school classes where she was excelling in spite of her living conditions. Second as a mother facing divorce and a court system seeking to take her children from her for no reason whatsoever. While her two oldest children aged out and were taken from her through alienation, she was able to stop the system from stealing her younger two.

Amendment | Fix Family Courts 
Fix Family Courts - Because getting divorced shouldn't mean losing your child 
(1) Fit parents are entrusted by nature or the State with determining the best interests of their minor child and must be assumed to be acting in their child’s best interests unless proven unfit (2) Each fit parent has the equal right and duty to direct and control their minor child’s education, to include educating the minor child through personal example, which arises through routine parenting of the child. The child has a right to receive education from each parent equally. These rights are among the penumbra of individual First Amendment rights. (3) Fit parents hold equal rights and duties in the care, custody, control, and physical possession of the minor child. Any conflict between these rights must be resolved in as equal a manner as possible. (4) Fit parents may entrust certain of these rights to others as they see fit without forfeiting their rights. Read More~>www.fixfamilycourts.com/amendment

The Proposed Parental Rights Amendment to the United States Constitution

Section 1

The liberty of parents to direct the upbringing and education of their children is a fundamental right.

Section 2
Neither the United States nor any state shall infringe upon this right without demonstrating that its governmental interest as applied to the person is of the highest order and not Neither the United States nor any state shall infringe upon this right without demonstrating that its governmental interest as applied to the person is of the highest order and not otherwise served.

Section 3

No treaty may be adopted nor shall any source of international law be employed to supersede, modify, interpret, or apply to the rights guaranteed by this article.

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Florida today became the fifth state to pass a resolution calling on the U.S. Congress to propose to the states for ratification the Parental Rights Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. The Florida Senate voted 38-0 in favor of SM 954 this morning, after the Florida House passed its companion (HM 557) by a voice vote on Tuesday.

Florida becomes the third state this year to call for the Amendment; Idaho and Montana both passed similar measures in early March. Both South Dakota and Louisiana passed similar resolutions in 2010.

Louisiana’s resolution was accepted unanimously in both houses, with a Democrat plurality in the House (then made up of 52 Democrats, 50 Republicans, and 3 Independents) and a Democrat majority in the Senate. Florida’s resolution enjoyed a Republican majority in both houses, but was also bipartisan with 10 of 12 Senate Democrats voting in favor (1 was absent, and 1 did not vote). In all, Florida Democrats on record voted 17-3, or 85%, in favor of this memorial (resolution). Republican support was 98%.

Visit us and scroll over the interactive map to find out if your state might be home to the next Parental Rights resolution.

Take the quick 1-question poll on our new Squidoo lens to help us launch that new awareness-raising project. And click "Like" while you are there!

Florida Fathers For Equal Rights in Family Court

FLORIDA FATHERS RIGHTS

The laws of Florida provide both parents with the right to have a healthy relationship with their child. However, men have to fight zealously for their father’s rights in Florida. Failure to do so could mean that they will not have a relationship with their child and they will not be protected financially after a divorce or a separation. While it is true that father’s rights are increasing in Florida and around the country, the courts still lean towards the mother. This is why it is essential to have a father’s rights attorney on your side fighting for you through the process. Get the Florida fathers rights help and advice you deserve today!

You Deserve Quality Fathers Rights 

Help!

Florida family law statutes state that if a woman is not married by the time she delivers a child, the supposed father’s name should not be entered in the birth certificate of the child without a signed affidavit from both the mother and the presumed father. A biological father who is not married to the mother of his child has the right to file a claim of paternity, claiming that he is the father of the child. Forms to do so will need to be filed with the Florida Putative Father Registry. When filing this claim of paternity in Florida, the alleged father can state their wish to be informed of any adoption proceedings or dependency action. If the unmarried biological father fails to exercise these Florida fathers’ rights, they could lose their parental right to the child.

In case an unmarried mother has not taken any action to find out the paternity of their child, a man who believes that the child is his has the right to file a court order that will establish the child’s paternity through a paternity test. The paternity of the child must be determined by agreement of both parties, order of the court or operation of the law before the father can request their Florida fathers’ rights to custody. Getting a DNA test is a fast, simple, and relatively inexpensive way of proving that you are the father of a child.

Florida Father’s Rights to Time Sharing and Custody

Florida family laws do not favor either parent when establishing custody and time-sharing rights. At the beginning of a child custody case, both parents should have equal rights to custody and time-sharing. A parenting and custody plan will be formulated on the basis of what is in the child’s best interests. This can either happen through agreement of both of the parents, or by a court order dictated by the judge involved in the case. In most cases, both parents decide to work out an arrangement where custody, visitation, and all other issues dealing with the child are negotiated and written into a final custody judgment or parenting agreement.

Florida child custody laws dictate that both parents should be involved in taking care of the child and in making decisions that will affect the child. Psychologists believe that the best time-sharing and custody plan should involve both parents so that the child receives financial and emotional support from both their mother and their father. It is also best if both parents feel that they can participate actively in their child’s life. When this isn’t the case and cooperative parenting in a Florida child custody case is not possible, a judge will order one parent to have primary decision making authority. Our attorneys fight to get you joint custody so that both parents have decision making authority.

Florida Fathers Rights Help – Get Your Rights!

Faces of Victims of Family Court - Wake up U.S.A.

Wake up U.S.

This is a compilation video of many different people who were devastated by our tax-funded family court system and CPS/DHS.

Happy Birthday ~~ #StandupforZoraya

Happy Birthday Zoraya!I Love You More!Tu Papa

Zoraya, The Meaning of Names (1997-5-18)

A name is much more than just a name!

Z is for zip, the quickness in your step!

O is for orderly, a lifelong passion.

R is for rely, everyone's trustworthy friend.

A is for accord, the harmony you spread.

Y is for youthful, your eternal look.

A is for accord, the harmony you spread.

The name “Zoraya” is of Arabic origin and it means “Rich”. It’s a name commonly given to girls.

According to the 1996 U.S. Social Security Administration data, the name “Zoraya” is not a popular baby girl’s name in California. Imagine that, only 6 babies in California have the same name as you in 1996. Across the entire United States a total of only 8 babies also bear the same first name during the same year. From 1880 to 2011, the highest recorded use of the name “Zoraya” was in 2005 with a total of 22 babies.

Since 1880, your name was recorded 308 times in the American baby names history. Do you want to know ‘how popular is my name Zoraya?’

Your name in reverse order is “Ayaroz”. A random rearrangement of the letters in your name (anagram) will give ‘Raaoyz’. (How do you pronounce that?)

Your past life Zoraya:

I do not know how you feel about it, but you were a male in your last earthly incarnation.

You were born somewhere around the territory of USA South-West approximately on 1375.

Your profession was preacher, publisher, scribbler of ancient inscriptions.

Your brief psychological profile in that past life:

Timid, constrained, quiet person. 

You had creative talents, waited until that life to be liberated. 

Sometimes environment considered you strange.

Lessons that your last past life brought to present:

Your main task – to make the world more beautiful. 

Physical and spiritual deserts are just waiting for your touch.

Keep smiling!

Now do you remember?

Source: The Meaning of Names

TAKE THE PLEDGE WITH US!

How Men Grieve - Ken Druck PhD at The Good Men Project - Ken Druck, best-selling author of a book about men, had to learn how to grieve after he lost his own daughter.

Post by Children's Rights.

STOP THE HEARTBREAK JUDGE MANNO-SCHURR ~~ 11th Judicial Circuit Family Court... http://bit.ly/1VBlVaG
Posted by David Inguanzo on Monday, October 5, 2015

Happy Birthday Zoraya!Stand Up For Zoraya
Posted by David Inguanzo on Sunday, August 2, 2015

Posted by Children's Rights on Monday, October 5, 2015

Posted by Children's Rights on Monday, October 5, 2015

Posted by Children's Rights on Monday, October 5, 2015

Posted by Children's Rights on Monday, October 5, 2015

Posted by Children's Rights on Monday, October 5, 2015

Posted by Children's Rights on Monday, October 5, 2015

Posted by Children's Rights on Monday, October 5, 2015

Posted by Children's Rights on Monday, October 5, 2015

Post by David Inguanzo.

Post by David Inguanzo.

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When a parent is significantly minimized and excluded from a child’s life...

...what do you think children fill that emotional vacuum with?

Hurting dads, hurting kids

Linda Gottlieb Kase LMFT LCSW on ‎Children’s Rights ~ 

The “expert” witness and the therapist that the alienator hires is generally a psychologist, who not have expertise in family dynamics unless specialized training above and beyond the Ph.D training is obtained. To disqualify the “expert,” the following questions could be asked at trial:

In your professional opinion, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest, what is the influence of parents on children prior to adolescence? (this should be a high #, and if not, the expert/therapist should be asked to justify a low # eg. who has the great influences.)

And after adolescence? (this should be a relatively high # at least)

Do you believe that parental conflict generally has an adverse effect on children and/or causes the child to react negatively in response? Please rate that effect on a scale of 1-10. (this should be a high #, as even the lay person would acknowledge the impact of parental hostility on children. If the expert doesn’t give a high #, he/she should be asked to justify the answer.)

So you would (or would not—depending on prior answers) agree with Christopher Barden, PhD., JD., who has received 2 national research awards in psychology and a law degree with honors from Harvard Law school, when he stated, “There can be no credible controversy about the power of parents to influence children.” (The International Handbook of Parental Alienation Syndrome, p. 420)?

Would you also agree with Barden when he stated that custody cases require “the critical obligation to carefully review the influence of parents, therapists or other adults on the attitudes, beliefs and memories of children.” (pp. 419-432)?

Could you describe what some of these effects are?

Can you give some examples as to how children get caught up in their parents’conflicts.

You have just confirmed that you recognize the great influence of parents on children as well as the detrimental affects on children due to being exposed to the parental conflict. Yet I did not hear you express how you acquired your expertise in family dynamics. In fact, is it true that you are not licensed in your state of X as a Marriage and Family Therapist?

Can you state what training in family dynamics you had in your education for your psychology degree? (I can confirm that they had no more than family therapy 101, IF they had that at all. The LMFT degree, in virtually all states, requires 60 credits, including 2 internships in the provision of family therapy services.)

Are you aware of your X State’s criteria for obtaining this expertise and being qualified as a specialist for the licensing of a marriage and family therapist. How much of that criteria do you meet?

So could you please state how you are qualified as an expert in assessing family dynamics as well as the adverse effects on children resulting from the dysfunctional parental dyad?

What has been your experience in the treatment of families?