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No words exist to adequately describe what a father goes through when he gets divorced

A Committed, Divorced Father Story

No words exist to adequately describe what a father goes through when he gets divorced. He loses a wife who he had intended to spend the rest of his life with. He also usually loses his legacy by being removed from his own children. But he doesn’t have to and neither do you. You can do as much as you can given your limitations. Do your best to remain cordial with your ex and don’t talk about her negatively to your kids. This way you’ll gain greater access to your children. You may be able to call every night and read them a bedtime story. You can go to parent-teacher conferences. You can send cards to them and bring back souvenirs from trips you go on. You can attend their sporting events and ballet recitals. Whatever it is, your kids need you involved. You didn’t get a divorce from them. You’re their father. Forever. [Tweet This]
Here is one divorced dad’s story of all he had to overcome to be an All Pro Dad to his kids:
I am the father of seven wonderful children, four from a previous marriage (three boys and one girl) and three boys from my present marriage. During my first marriage, I would wrestle with thoughts of falling short as a father and going through a divorce only amplified those feelings. I cried myself to sleep many nights, and after dropping off the older children at their mother’s house after my times of visitation, I would not be able to go straight home and face the pain of no children to greet me.
I can understand why some non-custodial fathers move away from their children–not because they do not love their children but because of the pain and the emotional roller coaster they go through. It is their way of dealing with their pain or should I say their way of not dealing with it. I do not agree with this action, but I can understand their motivation.
In order to stay close to my children and remain involved in their lives, I turned down several promotional opportunities with my employer that would have moved me away from my children. After buying a home in the same school district as my older children and attempting to gain joint custody of my older children, my ex-wife moved to a small town 45 minutes away. At the time of this move, my older children were ages 7 – 13. Even though it was not that far away, it prevented joint custody from becoming possible and made it more difficult to see my children as often especially their school activities.
Six years later, my ex-wife moved seven hours away with the two youngest of the older children who were ages 13 and 12. (I live in Iowa and they moved to Indiana.) My oldest son had graduated from high school and the next oldest son lived with his best friend to finish his senior year. I was then only able to see my two children in Indiana one weekend a month, and due to the children’s school schedules, there were some months where I do not get to see them at all–unless I drove to Indiana and rented a hotel room for the weekend. I have missed out on their first dates, seeing them dress up as they go to events, such as Homecoming and Prom, and seeing them compete in athletic events. Not only has it made it difficult for me to maintain a relationship with my older children, but my three little boys sure miss their older siblings. (I have kept in contact via phone calls and emails, driving to Indiana a few times a year to watch them compete in a few track and cross country meets, and my regular scheduled visitations.)
Through all of this, my older children have turned out wonderfully. My oldest son joined the military immediately following 9-11, and saw combat with the 101st Airborne in both Afghanistan and Iraq before he received an honorable medical discharge for a non-combat injury in Iraq . He is now married and pursuing a degree in criminal justice. My second oldest son has lived with me for the past 3+ years while going to college, and our relationship has grown.  My third oldest son graduated from high school last year with honors, is currently going through training to be an Army Ranger, and is planning on pursuing a medical degree after leaving the Army. My only daughter is in her junior year of high school, on the honor roll, and at this time, is planning on becoming a pediatrician. 

They all love the Lord.My two children who moved to Indiana have told me more than once that they have friends who have divorced parents and hardly, if ever, see their fathers who live close by. They are amazed when my children tell them that I drive to Indiana to see them. Even though I have not been able to see my older children as frequently as I would like, my children and I are thankful for the relationship that we do have.
While divorce is difficult, I want to encourage others that you can remain close to your children if you commit to the time that it takes.
Related Resource:  12 Ways to of a Hands-On Parent

5 Ways to Use Technology to Bond with Your Children

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We only support organizations who show an understanding that children need both parents, and that either parent is equally capable of the choice to perpetrate hate or declare peace.


3 comments:

  1. Children's Bill of Rights

    WHEN PARENTS ARE NOT TOGETHER

    Every kid has rights, particularly when mom and dad are splitting up. Below are some things parents shouldn't forget -- and kids shouldn't let them -- when the family is in the midst of a break-up.

    You have the right to love both your parents. You also have the right to be loved by both of them. That means you shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to see your dad or your mom at any time. It's important for you to have both parents in your life, particularly during difficult times such as a break-up of your parents.

    You do not have to choose one parent over the other. If you have an opinion about which parent you want to live with, let it be known. But nobody can force you to make that choice. If your parents can't work it out, a judge may make the decision for them.

    You're entitled to all the feelings you're having. Don't be embarrassed by what you're feeling. It is scary when your parents break up, and you're allowed to be scared. Or angry. Or sad. Or whatever.

    You have the right to be in a safe environment. This means that nobody is allowed to put you in danger, either physically or emotionally. If one of your parents is hurting you, tell someone -- either your other parent or a trusted adult like a teacher.

    You don't belong in the middle of your parents' break-up. Sometimes your parents may get so caught up in their own problems that they forget that you're just a kid, and that you can't handle their adult worries. If they start putting you in the middle of their dispute, remind them that it's their fight, not yours.

    Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are still part of your life. Even if you're living with one parent, you can still see relatives on your other parent's side. You'll always be a part of their lives, even if your parents aren't together anymore.

    You have the right to be a child. Kids shouldn't worry about adult problems. Concentrate on your school work, your friends, activities, etc. Your mom and dad just need your love. They can handle the rest.

    IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT AND DON'T BLAME YOURSELF.

    ----Special Concerns of Children Committee, March, 1998

    "Children's Bill of Rights" is a publication of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. © 1997 - 2001. All rights reserved. "Children's Bill of Rights" may be reproduced under the following conditions:

    It must be reproduced in its entirety with no additions or deletions, including the AAML copyright notice. It must be distributed free of charge. The AAML reserves the right to limit or deny the right of reproduction in its sole discretion.

    © 2013 AAML Florida. 3046 Hawks Glen Tallahassee, FL 32312 | 850-668-0614

    The hiring of a lawyer is an important decision that should not be based solely on advertisements. Before you decide, ask the attorney to send you free written information about their qualifications and experience. The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for individual advice regarding your own situation.
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    1. Review from the late Carl Fredrich, founder of the American Pro Se Association
      2012 ~
      " "How to Win a Lawsuit Without Hiring a Lawyer" is a very informative book -- and for those who find themselves in certain circumstances it can be said to be indispensable. The book might be more appropriately entitled: "Pursuing A Lawsuit Without A Lawyer: Even Against the Authorities." This book, as far as we know, is the only simplified low cost resource addressing an area of increasing need -- where one's rights have been trampled or denied by police or other officials and how you can do something affordable about it. The book actually contains an enormous amount of information and legal theories and specific instructions on how to proceed with respect to a number of issues.
      Considering it is a generic law book written to address both Federal and all 50 states laws, it possesses both the advantages and drawbacks inherent in covering so much territory. The book also addresses this difficult problem and stresses the need to consult specific state statutes and/or the necessary specific information on any administrative law forums should they be applicable. (These are often called 'administrative law court' but they are really central panels of the administrative branch -- not judicial branch of government.)

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  2. “Justice is a part of the human makeup. And if you deprive a person of Justice on a continuous basis, it’s really an attack (and not to get religious or anything) but it’s an attack on the human soul. We have, as societies, evolved ideas of Justice and we have done that because human nature needs Justice and it needs resolution. And if you deprive somebody of that long enough they’re going to have reactions…” ~ Juli T. Star-Alexander – Executive Director, Redress, Inc.

    Redress, Inc. 501c3 nonprofit corporation, created to combat corruption. Our purpose is to provide real assistance and solutions for citizens suffering from injustices. We operate as a formal business, with a Board of Directors guiding us. We take the following actions to seek redress: Competently organize as citizens working for the enforcement of our legal rights. Form a coalition so large and so effective that the authorities can no longer ignore us. We support and align with other civil rights groups and get our collective voices heard. Work to pass laws that benefit us and give us the means to fight against corruption, as is our legal right, and we work to repeal laws that are in violation of our legal rights. Become proactive in the election process, by screening of political candidates. As individuals, we support those who are striving to achieve excellence, and show how to remove from office those who have failed to get the job done. Make our presence known through every legal means. We monitor our courts and judges. We petition our government representatives for the assistance they are bound to provide us. We publicize our cases and demand redress. Create a flow of income that enables us to fight back in court, and to assist our members impoverished by the abuses inflicted on us. Create the means to relieve the stresses on us, as we share information and support each other. We become legal advocates for each other; we become an emotional support network for each other; we problem solve for individuals on a group basis! Educate our judges, lawyers, court personnel, law enforcement personnel and elected leaders about our rights as citizens! Actively work to eliminate incompetence, bias/prejudice, special relationships and corruption at all levels of government! Work actively with all media sources, to shed light on our efforts. It is reasonable to expect that if the authorities know we are watching and documenting, that their behaviors will improve. IT'S A HUGE TASK! Accountability will not happen overnight. But we believe that through supporting each other, we support ourselves. This results in a voice for justice and redress that cannot be ignored. Please become familiar with our web site, and feel free to call. We need each other - help us to help you! Although we are beginning operations in Nevada, we intend to extend into each state in a competent fashion. We are NOT attorneys, unless individual attorneys join us as members. We are simply people helping people. For those interested, we do not engage in the practice of law. You might be interested in this article Unauthorized Practice of Law on the Net. Call Redress, Inc. at 702.597.2982 or e-mail us at Redress@redressinc.com. WORKING TOGETHER TO ATTAIN FAIRNESS

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