Mom, Family, and Memories

This is her Grand Daughter Zoraya

We are born for a higher destiny than that of earth, there is a realm where the rainbow never fades, where the stars will be spread before us like islands that slumber on the oceans, and where the beings that pass before us like shadows will stay in our presence forever.

In remembrance of my mom.

October 24, 1936 ~ October 3, 2016

Can't I See My Grandmother and Grandfather?

Do Grandparents Have the Rights They Should?

The experts report on the state of grandparent rights in the U.S. today

See state-by-state guide to grandparents' rights.

Coming Soon: As a service to our readers, Grandparents.com is establishing the American Grandparents Association^TM with the goal of becoming a key resource for grandparents who are physically removed from their grandchildren and would like to find a way to visit them.

Richard Kent, a family lawyer at Fairfield, Conn.-based Meyers Breiner & Kent, frequently goes to courtroom battle for grandparents seeking visitation with, or custody of, grandchildren.

"The state of grandparents' rights is terrible," says Kent. Under the current laws, if a couple's adult daughter dies, he says, those grandparents could be denied visitation with their grandchild by the child's father.

Even if they had what most people would consider a classic grandparent-grandchild relationship and, let's say, saw their grandchild every Sunday afternoon. But in the eyes of Connecticut law, says Kent, unless grandparents have functioned as de facto parents — meaning they lived with their grandchildren or took care of them while the parents were at work — they are treated no differently than strangers.

"I think it's absurd that a boy's father can legally keep his grandparents out of his life," says Kent, who wrote Solomon's Choice: A Guide to Custody for Ex-Husbands, Spurned Partners, & Forgotten Grandparents (Taylor Trade Publishing).

Families crumble for any number of reasons: divorce, the death of a parent, drug and alcohol abuse, incarceration. Grandparents in the U.S. do have rights and can seek visitation with grandchildren, but those rights vary from state to state. Understanding your basic rights can help ensure that your relationship with the grandchildren doesn't end should that with their parents. Of course, every case involves a unique set of facts and grandparents who find themselves suddenly cut off from grandchildren should consult a lawyer to discuss the course of action their specific situations require.

When Grandparents' Rights Changed

In June 2000, the U.S. Supreme Court issued a 6-3 decision on grandparents' visitation rights in the Troxel v. Granville case. This canceled out a Washington State law that permitted judges to grant visitation to any interested party so long as the visits were in the best interest of the child — even if the parents objected.

The Troxel v. Granville decision was ambiguous because while the majority of the justices agreed that Troxel should be decided a certain way, each had a different reason for doing so which resulted in six written opinions.

Grandparents4Justice Worldwide    parentalrights.org's photo —  Divorce & Corruption a Persistent Pursuit for Justice: Corrupt Lawyers and the Absurd Legal Decisions in the Fraternal Order of Matrimonial Law  Alienated Grandparents Anonymous, Inc. National Headquarters-FL.

Depriving your children of love is abuse. So why do it?

The idea of depriving children of love seems almost unthinkable to most parents. After all, love is the foundation of a child’s emotional and psychological development. It nurtures their self-worth, provides security, and helps them navigate the world with confidence. Yet, for various reasons, some parents, whether intentionally or unintentionally, deprive their children of the love and emotional connection they desperately need. This can have devastating consequences for the child’s mental health, social development, and overall well-being.

The question then arises: Why would a parent deprive their child of love, knowing that it is harmful?

The answer is complex and multifaceted, as there are many factors that can contribute to a parent’s inability or unwillingness to provide love. Let’s explore some of the reasons behind this heartbreaking phenomenon.

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1. Unresolved Trauma and Emotional Baggage

One of the most common reasons why a parent may be unable to offer love is because they themselves have not experienced healthy love in their own lives. Many parents, especially those who experienced abuse or neglect as children, struggle to give love in the way their children need.

• Emotional numbness: For parents who were emotionally neglected or abused in their own childhoods, they may not know how to express love in a healthy, nurturing way. The emotional numbness they developed as a survival mechanism can make it difficult for them to connect with their children in the way they need.

• Generational trauma: Generational trauma is the transmission of trauma from one generation to the next. Parents who were deprived of love or faced emotional abandonment may repeat these patterns with their own children, often unknowingly. Without proper healing or self-awareness, these parents may struggle to break the cycle of neglect or emotional distance.

For these parents, the lack of love they express is not necessarily intentional, but rather a byproduct of their own unhealed wounds.

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2. Mental Health Struggles and Emotional Unavailability

Mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and personality disorders can significantly affect a parent’s ability to be emotionally present for their child. Some common mental health challenges that can lead to emotional unavailability include:

• Depression: Parents who suffer from depression may be so overwhelmed by their own emotions that they are unable to focus on or respond to their child’s emotional needs. They might feel emotionally exhausted, numb, or disconnected, which makes it hard to provide the nurturing care a child needs.

• Anxiety: Parents struggling with severe anxiety may focus so intensely on their own worries that they cannot offer their children the emotional support and attention they deserve. In extreme cases, anxiety can cause a parent to withdraw or become overly controlling, creating an emotionally distant or tense home environment.

• Personality disorders: Disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder can complicate the ability to form healthy, loving attachments. Narcissistic parents, for instance, may prioritize their own needs and desires over their child's emotional well-being, leading to neglect or emotional manipulation.

In these cases, the parent’s mental health challenges may prevent them from engaging in positive, loving interactions with their child. This doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love their child, but their ability to express that love is severely impaired.

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3. Toxic Parenting Styles and Lack of Emotional Awareness

Some parents may unintentionally deprive their children of love due to their own toxic parenting behaviors or a lack of emotional intelligence. These behaviors can arise from ignorance or a failure to recognize how their actions are affecting their child’s emotional development.

• Authoritarian Parenting: This rigid and controlling parenting style emphasizes obedience, rules, and discipline but often lacks warmth and affection. Authoritarian parents may set high expectations without providing emotional support or love. The focus is on control rather than connection, leading to children who may feel unloved or emotionally abandoned.

• Neglectful Parenting: Parents who are neglectful (whether emotionally or physically) may be physically present but emotionally unavailable. They fail to meet their child’s emotional needs, offering little affection, praise, or encouragement. Children raised in these environments often feel invisible or unimportant.

• Over-controlling and critical behavior: Some parents, particularly those who were themselves raised in highly controlling environments, may impose strict rules without fostering emotional closeness. They may criticize their child’s behavior or achievements instead of nurturing them. The child, in turn, may struggle with self-esteem and feel disconnected from their parent.

While these parents may still care about their children, their parenting style is emotionally harmful and does not provide the warmth or love necessary for healthy development.

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4. External Stressors and Life Circumstances

External pressures, such as financial stress, marital problems, or a demanding career, can also impact a parent’s ability to show love to their children. When parents are overwhelmed by life’s challenges, they may unintentionally withdraw or become emotionally unavailable.

• Financial hardship: Parents who are struggling to make ends meet may be so consumed by the pressures of providing financially that they become emotionally distant. The stress of worrying about bills, job security, and other financial concerns can take a toll on a parent’s mental health, making it harder to provide the emotional connection children need.

• Marital conflict or divorce: Parents who are experiencing marital issues, particularly those going through a divorce or separation, may become emotionally withdrawn or focused on their own needs, leaving their children feeling neglected. They may be too preoccupied with their own emotional turmoil to adequately nurture their children.

• Work-related stress: Parents who work long hours or are constantly stressed at work may be physically present at home but emotionally unavailable. Fatigue, burnout, or job-related frustrations can drain the emotional energy a parent has to give, leading to a lack of connection with their child.

These external stressors often contribute to emotional neglect. Though the parents may still love their children, their capacity to show that love becomes limited by their own stress and struggles.

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5. Intentional Neglect or Emotional Abuse

In some unfortunate cases, intentional emotional abuse or neglect may occur. This can be the result of severe anger, resentment, or toxic belief systems held by the parent. In these situations, the deprivation of love is a deliberate attempt to control, manipulate, or hurt the child. This can manifest in a range of behaviors, from verbal abuse to withholding affection as a form of punishment.

• Parental alienation: Sometimes, one parent may intentionally try to alienate the child from the other parent, using emotional manipulation or coercion to turn the child against the other parent. This can involve not only withholding affection but also planting seeds of distrust and fear in the child.

• Punishment by neglect: In extreme cases, a parent may consciously withhold love as a form of punishment, believing that it will make the child more obedient or compliant. This can have devastating consequences for the child’s sense of self-worth and emotional development.

In these instances, the deprivation of love is a form of abuse, and it can cause long-lasting emotional damage to the child.

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So, Why Do It?

The simple answer to the question, “Why do it?” is that no parent sets out to intentionally harm their child. In many cases, parents are unaware of the damage their behavior is causing, or they may be acting out of their own unresolved pain, stress, or emotional limitations. They may not realize that their actions—or inaction—are depriving their child of the love and emotional support that is essential for healthy development.

However, regardless of the reasons behind it, depriving a child of love is indeed a form of abuse. Children need love to thrive, to develop healthy emotional connections, and to grow into emotionally stable adults. Parents must recognize the profound impact their behavior has on their children and take steps toward healing, whether it’s seeking therapy, learning about healthy emotional communication, or working to break harmful cycles of neglect.

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Conclusion: The Path to Healing and Change

While there are many complex reasons why a parent might deprive a child of love, the good news is that healing is possible. Parents who recognize their own emotional struggles or toxic patterns can take proactive steps toward improvement. Therapy, self-reflection, and support systems can help parents become more emotionally available, offering their children the love and support they need to thrive.

Children, especially those who have experienced emotional neglect, can also heal through therapy, strong supportive relationships, and environments that encourage emotional expression and self-esteem.

Deprivation of love is devastating—but awareness, support, and change can help parents and children break free from cycles of emotional harm and foster healthier, more loving relationships.

Post by Parental Alienation Awareness Organization - PAAO.

Reblogged from I'm Killing Time "Our World Tour":

Uploaded on Jan 24, 2012

equal shared parenting. something divorcing parents should consider

World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum.Family Law and Child Welfare Reform.

"Reckless Disregard" ~ Allegations Of Breach Of Professional And Ethical Duties Against Florida Lawyer. Conscious and indifferent disregard of others' reputation or rights, or the dangerous consequences of one's action. In defamation cases, the defendant's malicious intent is judged against the standard of 'reckless disregard for truth.'

Father's Rights (Must See Videoieos):

Family Law...Stop Abusing Children and Families for Profit

Remain an Equal Parent to your Child!

We only support organizations who show an understanding that children need both parents, and that either parent is equally capable of the choice to perpetrate hate or declare peace.

The International Access and Visitation Centers conference was held in Toronto in April of 2013 The PAAO was there and spoke to most of the 200 or so practitioners. Of course all were familiar with alienation and it's results. Everyone was not only gratified to see PAAO at the event, they all also acknowledged that PA is either a form of Domestic violence or on the continuum of Domestic Violence behaviors.

Post by Parental Alienation Awareness Organization - PAAO.

Right to see Grandchildren after parents' divorces

A court may award visitation rights if the child's parent is deceased or declared legally incompetent, a grandparent is the parent of the deceased or incompetent parent to the grandchild, and visitation is in the child's best interest.

Grandparent Rights: State by State - Grandparents.com

www.grandparents.com/family-and...rights/grandparent-rights-united-states

As a grandparent, do I have the right to visit my grandchild? 

Grandparents only have the right to ask for visitation. They do not have a guaranteed right to visit and see their grandchildren. If you currently have a visitation court order, you have the right to have that order enforced.

How do I get to visit my grandchildren? 

Every family is different and you know your family best when it comes to deciding how to resolve any family problems. It is recommended to first try to work out visits with the child’s parents. Talk to the parents and tell them you miss your grandchild. You may also try to have a neutral person, such as a mediator, help you with this. Each Family Court in New York City has a mediation program. If you can’t agree or think that you can’t talk about the problem with each other, then go to court and file papers for visitation.

What do I have to show the court in order to have visits with my grandchildren?

You must first show that you have what “standing.” Standing gives you the right to ask for visitation with your grandchild. If one of the parents is deceased, then you have standing to ask for visits without having to show anything else. If both parents are living, you must show that you either have a positive existing relationship with your grandchild but are not allowed to see your grandchild or that the parents have not allowed you to have a relationship with your grandchild but that you have tried to have one. Once you show you have a relationship or that you haven’t been allowed to have one, you must then show it is in the “best interests” of the child to visit with you.

What does “best interests” mean?

There is no one way to define this. The court will look at what you’ve done to be part of your grandchild’s life. Did you call, visit, and spend time with your grandchild? Do you know what your grandchild likes? Do you help your grandchild with school or try to help him or her learn? Did your grandchild enjoy time with you? 

Do the parents have to be divorced or no longer together for me to go to court to seek visitation with my grandchildren?

No. A court can order visitation even when parents are together with the children if the parents won’t let the grandparents visit the grandchild

How do I show I have a relationship with my grandchild if the parents won’t let me spend time with my grandchild?

You must show that you’ve made enough of an effort to try to have a relationship with your grandchild. The court may look at several things to find out whether or not you’ve done this. You can do this by sending them birthday cards or gifts. You can write them letters. You can call them and try to let them know that you love them. Do your best to say good things about the parents, even if you are not getting along. Do not make your grandchildren feel like they have to choose between their parents or grandparents. The court wants to see that the child won’t be harmed by visiting with you.

What if the parents are strongly opposed to my seeing my grandchildren?

This is not enough. The court will consider what the parents want and will look at why the parents don’t want you to visit with the child. The court may look at what has happened between you and the parents. Each case is different and you should speak to an attorney if you are unsure about your case.

Grandparents will get legal right to see grandchildren after divorce battles

"For the first time, separating parents will be expected to ensure grandparents continue to have a role in the lives of their children after they split up. Parenting Agreements will be drawn up that explicitly set out contact arrangements for grandparents. These can then be used as evidence in court if a mother or father goes back on the deal."

By Tom Whitehead

RELATED LINKS

• Dave Farmer's Campaign to Parental Alienation Awareness Day is April 25th In 2004 I took matters to Family Court as I knew my former partner would not be conciliatory even though our children said " they loved their Mum and they loved their Dad so would like to see as much of each as possible even though we would be living apart!" From March to October 2004 I fought for and achieved; Joint residency order Parental responsibility (A given to those on the birth certificate today) Shared care Equal contact This cost me £35,000 and I believed it would serve my children till they were of an age that they could make their own decisions on contact probably as they reached secondary education, and although the mother sought to disrupt contact it worked OK until Sept 2007 since when the mother has withheld both my children now 12 and 15. Although a truck driver I offered a second family home equal distance to the schools allowing easy access by our children to both homes and I worked through agencies to enable my work patten to to fit all the prescribed contact times, but the toll was in time I could not sustain in effect 2 homes restrictive work and trying to have a life and in the end went bankrupt to the tune of £75,000. At that time I learned that my former partner and the new man in her life ( who has daily contact with my sons yet has not spent 30 seconds in family court) could acquire my interest in the former family home for a peppercorn rate , this summer they sold it to their benefit of £240,000. At the time they acquired my home I was told I could have my second home repossessed, it was only early access to my private pension as I turned 50 in 2008 that prevented that, but rendered my 30 year old pension worth just £110 per month. (The CSA do not recognise what I have done through family court from 2004 to 2008) I am still trying to recover financially, but the CSA have put unreasonable demands on me in spite of my shared care agreement http://www.childmaintenance.org/en/news/article29.html and took half my salary as a dustman,put a lean on my home which once again could be repossessed early in the new year, they want a portion of my £110 per month pension and will be returning me to court next week yet the hardest part in all this is that I have not had contact with my 2 sons since 19th September 2007! The CSA act on the mother's say so and take none of my circumstances into account, how can that be fair and reasonable or in the children's best interest as I tried to achieve? She could win millions on the lottery and I could be on a park bench yet still they would purse me! What would you do in my position? http://www.daveyonefamilylawman.blogspot.co.uk/2011/11/family-justice-review-my-version.html#links Share Save CAUSES.COM · 36 SHARES
• Parental Alienation Awareness Day is April 25th On April 25th, I pledge to bring about awareness of Parental Alienation and/or Hostile Aggressive Parenting by telling 2. Join the campaign and make a difference. Share Save CAUSES.COM · 143 SHARES
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