Don't you lose hope, your daddy is here!

The poem below was sent by ACFC member and supporter Mike H. In it he captures the essence of lost Christmas' many men experience but ends in a way that exudes the attitude of a father determined to overcome the challenge of being separated from his children. Together, with the same attitude we will overcome this system that pits family member against family member.

Three Dark Christmases

The first and the darkest painful Yule Tide
Came after a year of chasing my bride

Her anger as cold as the winter snow
Was buried so deep, how could a man know?

With hope I had ventured across the land
Hoping in Heaven to still hold her hand
I was ignorant of her hateful plan

To steal from me children, loves of my life
Who would suspect that from his lovely wife?

We were celebrating Christmas that day
And because I was no longer away

My goal to make that Christmas so lovely
But that painful day I would have spared you

The pain you would feel when mommy would say... I hate you! Get out! While nearby you played

How shocking it was on that hateful morn
To learn that mommy viewed daddy with scorn

Stunned I was also, my child and my joy
To hear words of hate come out of your mom

Your mother, my lover, my friend and wife

Gave me no warning of this change in life

"Get out" I did, twas the last time I saw
You, or spoke to you for many weeks more

We met the next week on a frigid night
I can recall the thought, can I save this?

Perhaps I might remind her of fam-ly
Of children and of happier times when

Our love was stronger. I thought I'd prevail
I'm sorry my child, my love, but I failed

I asked her for reasons that fateful night
The answer she gave me was quite a slight

"You're not good enough for me" said my wife
The worst seven words I’ve heard in my life

Shocked, I went through the daily motions of

Routine, hoping I'd wake from this bad dream

Thinking the worst part was over for me
Soon did I learn that I was not quite right

When six weeks had passed since that Christmas night

Being apart from the loves of my life

The weeks turned to months that we were apart
And I almost did succumb to my heart

Until one day I finally “got it.”
I am a father, and fathers don't quit.

Back home to my fam-ly is where I went
Feeling a failure to my Heaven-sent

I went back to regroup, and back to heal
I went back to learn of strength unrevealed

Strength that was born of a weakness profound

Broken and humbled, 'twas self love I found

To learn that to love you, I first must love Me.
Because a daddy who hates himself
Cannot a good daddy be

I attacked with a passion flaws I had
Because nothing is better than being "Dad"

During these dark months, often I would say:
“Know I will always love you and be near
I will never give up, my child, don't fear”

Well, another dark Christmas came last year
I spent all I had to bring Yuletide Cheer

No way! Not a chance! Is what she did say
These children are mine! You just go away!

Just a short visit, I begged and I pled.
But she slammed the door and wished I were dead

I learned that tears can freeze, that Christmas day
A message from God to strengthen my heart
For His children need a daddy who's smart

Into the snow I went pondering this
Onto the motel I brought all your gifts
Thinking of ways for your spirits to lift

A visit we had, and love we did share
It wasn't on Christmas, and though not fair

Was happy to see you. I didn't care
How much you had grown! Your feet and your hair!

Telling you Daddy would always be there
And noticing that now you might not care

Stuffing this fear because I know what's right
A child needs a daddy on Christmas night
Well, Daddy is here, loves; this is not right

I gave you my love, hon, in that short time
That time they allowed, so short twas a crime
There's never been danger from me, my love

Never did I harm my purpose for life
No, we're both victims of a bitter wife

Sure, mistakes I have made during my life
But nothing that merits this bitter strife

Frozen tears I pondered on my way home
And the lessons you'll miss before you're grown

If this dad gave up on this fight of fights
I will not. I cannot. This just ain't right

So a team I did hire to help me win
This unfortunate battle that's a sin

And money they did charge, hand over fist
It was payment toward our big Christmas list

But when Christmas season was 'round the bend
I realized no money I had to spend

To pay for more promises unfulfilled
And support the local lawyers guild

So I parted ways with my lawyers then
And approached the third Christmas, now darkened

But have heart in this story my children
This is where good things will really begin

Know that your daddy has a plan for you
Because frankly, there's nothing I won't do

As I write this on Christmas the third so far
Please know my darlings that daddy's going to war

No more tears will I shed for the time that we've lost
No more lamenting the exorbitant cost

Of fighting to see you so little it hurts
No more will I let lawyers make things worse

No, they've woken a tiger whose efforts won't wain
They've taunted a father whose children are in pain
It's time that this daddy dealt some of the same

So don't you despair this Christmas my loves
Send those scary thoughts to God up above

He loves you like me, and knows what you need
Ask him to bless Daddy with strength and speed

Your heavenly father will never fail
I know cuz he's carried me through this tale

See he's my Father, too, and he loves me
A perfect example of fathering

He has a big plan, and it involves us
Being together for our next Christmas

Having this knowledge, this passion, this love
Has caused your daddy to take off the gloves

Within legal bounds I will focus my strikes
Just anger will focus my thoughts at night

Bad things come in threes, they always do say
So we're about due for a lovely day

So don't you lose hope, your daddy is here
There's no reason for sadness, or of fear

Your father, he loves you. He'll make this right
Let's see if these bastards know how to fight

Guns Don't Kill People Single Parent Homes Do!

Rick Santorum: Guns Don't Kill People, Single Parent Homes Do

What if you get pregnant, your partner has abandoned you, and you happen to live in Missouri where there is ONE clinic which provides abortions? What if you're also financially or geographically unable to exercise that particular option? The Republicans have made sure that you must birth that baby, welcome to single-parenthood! According to GOP Presidential 'hopeful' Rick Santorum, you will be the leading cause of gun violence. You thought things were bleak and hopeless before, now you're carrying the weight of this country's gun violence problem squarely on your expectant shoulders.

Parental Alienation Should Be Punishable By Criminal Law!

What Loving Fathers Do For Their Children

Okay, so you’re the Dad. That means you want to be Mr. Generous, and you want to make sure your children have everything. Good for you.

But the best we can do for our children has very little to do with passing over the keys to a new car, hooking Jr. up with that fly pair of $200 sneakers, or making sure your offspring attend the finest schools. What loving fathers “do” is to provide a framework in which kids can grow up to be the very best young people they can possibly be.

Our opportunity, as loving All Pro Dads, is to craft the kind of environment where such growth is possible. There’s a lot we can do – and the following “10 Things loving fathers do for their children” are a great place to start:

1. Loving fathers… love their children’s mother: This is huge – possibly the most beneficial intervention dads can do on behalf of their children. Love your wife without reservation - you can’t do much more for your kids than that.
2. Love them unconditionally: Make sure that your children know you love them “no matter what.” Don’t confuse this with permissiveness - unconditional love does nothing to encourage the wrong kind of behavior. In fact, kids who are secure in their father’s love tend to act out less, not more.
3. Grow up: We’re talking about the dads here, not the kids! Children don’t want another buddy - they want a dad. They want someone who thinks things through, makes tough decisions and engages life with responsibility – someone they can count on.
4. Be there: “Quality time” is all well and good… but it has nothing on quantity time. Make the time. Everyone has the same 24 hours available. Make yours count.
5. Provide: Just do it.
   - A stable home
   - Love and affection
   - Material needs
   - Presence
6. Discipline: Children appreciate an even hand, balance, accountability and love-drenched discipline. It’s called consistency, and without clearly defined boundaries, it is very difficult to grow up.
7. Value education: Don’t just read to them – read with them. Don’t just fuss about grades – get involved with their homework. Don’t just talk about learning – be a hands-on advocate
8. Raise them to leave: The simple goal of being a family, of parenting our children, doesn’t look any more complicated than this: raise them well equipped to leave home and to establish faithful lives.
9. Teach them to take responsibility: Kids who learn how to duck responsibility and avoid cost will – sooner or later – fall flat on their faces. Loving fathers make sure their children know how to own up, clean up, and move forward.
10. Teach them to love this life: The best predictor of happiness in children is happiness in their parents. If we learn how to love this life, and then give that blessing to our kids, then they will be well prepared for satisfaction
    
    
    

Faces of the Family Law Crisis

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Together, we can fix it!

Because judges don't want a accurate reflection of what takes place in family hearings. Why believe your own eyes and ears when you can just listen to the "honorable judge"? Mandatory recording of ALL family hearings is an issue I am contacting our local legislators to sponsor as a bill to become law/ rule etc.(HINT, HINT, HINT) The majority if not all 20 circuit courts have the ability to record audio/video effortlessly but many judges if not all decline to. If recording family hearings is left to a judge's discretion it won't happen. FYI we don't need a little old lady pecking away at a machine to record hearings it is done digitally and cheaply in a lot of court rooms.

In Florida | "Enough is Enough! Family Law Reform Task Force Needed" | "Doctor sues sheriff, 9 judges and others alleging conspiracy in custody case" | Violated First Amendment Rights | Parental Alienation Enabled By Family Court Judge

Ten years into a lengthy and acrimonious split, a local surgeon has filed a lawsuit against his former wife. He also is suing nine judges, the sheriff, three deputies, four representatives from the Department of Children and Families and three representatives from Kimberly’s Center for Child Protection.

The lawsuit names 26 defendants in all, alleging that each in some way conspired against William Overcash throughout child custody proceedings following his divorce.

Henry Ferro, who filed the lawsuit in U.S. District Court, estimates that his client has spent well over $1 million in the protracted custody battle already. Overcash is hoping to recover some of that money through compensatory and, possibly, punitive damages.

The lawsuit also aims to return Overcash’s parental rights for his 14-year-old daughter, Ferro said. A judge terminated those rights in 2013 and, Ferro said, Overcash has been completely cut off from his daughter since then.

Each defendant named in the suit played a role in causing Overcash “financial, physical and mental injury,” according to the lawsuit. Here’s how:

Nine judges, including three circuit judges in Marion County, are accused of “perverting and obstructing the administration of justice.” Overcash alleges that the way judges were assigned to his case -- it was a lengthy succession, as several judges recused themselves -- violated the Florida Rules of Judicial Administration. He also points to instances where judges did not initially recuse themselves when he says they should have, and another where a judge accepted a gift from Overcash’s daughter.

Sheriff Chris Blair and three of his deputies are named for their role in arresting Overcash three times on contempt of court charges that were later dismissed. Overcash alleges that they knew, or should have known, that the charges were false at the time of each arrest. In one instance, for example, he says a deputy injured his shoulder during an arrest for failure to pay child support. That warrant was thrown out at Overcash’s arraignment, according to the lawsuit.

The four DCF representatives are named based on the “bias of DCF against Overcash,” according to the suit. This includes interpreting an interview with Overcash’s daughter in her mother’s favor, in terms of custody, despite what Overcash casts as unsubstantiated evidence and a failure to disclose to the court previous complaints

Kimberly’s Center for Child Protection and three representatives are named for their role in interviewing Overcash’s daughter. At least two people involved in that interview were not certified to do so, according to the suit.

Lori Foultz, Overcash's former wife, along with her current husband and their three-person legal team, are accused of a slew of wrongs. These include demanding an unreasonable amount in attorney’s fees from Overcash, according to the suit, and then concealing that payment, which ultimately led to his arrests for contempt of court.

Foultz and Overcash married in 1998 and divorced in 2005. They had one daughter together. The lawsuit will not affect ongoing custody litigation between the two, Ferro said, explaining that the cases would continue simultaneously.

The suit was filed Oct. 28. As of Friday, no defendant had filed a response with the court.

By Nicki Gorny
Staff writer

Published: Friday, November 13, 2015 at 1:22 p.m.

  Contact Nicki Gorny at 352-867-4065, nicki.gorny@ocala.com or @Nicki_Gorny.

Another dangerously flawed family law reform bill has been once again submitted in the Florida Legislature. As this flawed legislation persists, Republican Sen. Tom Lee, who has been embroiled in his own past divorce and child support battles, has now introduced Senate Bill 250. Many marginalized members of the Florida Bar are saying enough is enough — it’s time for Florida Gov. Rick Scott to do the right thing and form a neutral “Family Law Reform Task Force” to carefully study this issue and recommend fair and equitable changes to our family law statutes that, if necessary, do not unjustly harm women and children.

How Does the Public View Conflict in Custody Decisions?

How Does the Public View Conflict in Custody Decisions?

One of the main reasons that judges do not automatically award equal parenting in custody decisions is because of their concern about the conflict between the parents and the harm it will do to the children. In previous work, (see blog post on this work) researchers at Arizona State University found that the general public generally favors custody decisions that award both parents equal time in custody decisions, but many custody battles involve conflict between parents. When conflict persists among divorcing parents, most judges and custody evaluators have recommended against shared parenting in order to keep children out of the conflict.

In this study, Braver and his colleagues wanted to find out how the public thinks custody decisions should be handled in which there is conflict. (SeePsychology, Public Policy and Law, 2011). 
To examine these questions, the researchers developed hypothetical cases that described a low conflict scenario and two types of high conflict scenarios. In the low conflict case, the parents were described as reasonably good parents who are involved in the children's lives. There were two types of high conflict cases, one in which both parents were described as extremely angry at each other and fight in front of the children. In the second case only one parent was angry. Half the time this was presented as the father and half the time as the mother.

These cases were presented to citizens who had been summoned to serve on a jury panel in an Arizona community. About 250 people participated in this study. The participants were given the hypothetical cases, and then asked to imagine themselves as the judge deciding these cases based on the merits of the cases and what was best for the child. In each case they were asked how much time the child should spend with each parent.

In both the case of low conflict and high mutual conflict, the participants in this study favored awarding both parents equal time (about 65%). This finding indicates that almost two-thirds of the public still favors equal parenting time even in cases in which there is continued conflict. There was not complete consensus on this arrangement however. The remaining one-third of the participants were more likely to favor having the children live with the mother and reduce the amount of time that the dad got time with the children. This group of participants favored awarding more parenting time to the mother in conflicts in which both parents were described as angry and fighting.

When the cases were presented in which one parent was described as the cause of the conflict, then participants recommended that the parent causing the conflict should get less parenting time. The participants did not differ in their judgments about mothers and fathers. Regardless of whether it was the mother or the father was the source of the conflict, participants thought they should get less time with the child if they were angry, fighting and causing conflict.

These views of custody in high conflict divorces run counter to the views of most professionals. When families are embroiled in conflict during the divorce, they recommend that children be given primary custody with one parent. This is based on the evidence that conflict between parents is one of the most damaging factors in children's well-being during a family breakup. Professionals assume that the parents will not be able to resolve their conflicts resulting in the children being continually exposed to angry, bitter altercations. The findings in this study indicate that the general public does not hold this view. The researchers conclude, "Family lawmakers need to confront that equal custody enjoys genuinely great popularity among the citizenry."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-hughes/how-does-the-public-view-_b_877174.html

Lay judgments about child custody after divorce.

I have met and heard the tragic stories of many parents. PA is a function, by and large, of a custodial ex-partner, although some alienation can start while the couple is still together.

This blog is a story of experiences and observations of dysfunctional Family Law (FLAW), an arena pitting parent against parent, with children as the prize. Due to the gender bias in Family Law, that I have observed, this Blog has evolved from a focus solely on PA to one of the broader Family/Children's Rights area and the impact of Feminist mythology on Canadian Jurisprudence and the Divorce Industry.

Lay judgments about child custody after divorce.

 Braver, Sanford L.; Ellman, Ira Mark; Votruba, Ashley M.; Fabricius, William V.

Psychology, Public Policy, and Law, Vol 17(2), May 2011, 212-240. doi: 10.1037/a0023194

Abstract

In a pair of studies, we examine lay people's judgments about how hypothetical cases involving child custody after divorce should be resolved.

The respondents were citizens called to jury service in Pima County, AZ. Study 1 found that both male and female respondents, if they were the judge, would most commonly award equally shared custody arrangements, as advocated by most fathers' groups. 

However, if the predivorce child care had been divided disproportionately between the parents, this preference shifted, slightly but significantly, toward giving more time 
to the parent who had provided most of that care, consistent with the Approximation Rule advocated by the American Law Institute. 

Moreover, respondents judged that the arrangements prevailing in today's court and legal environment would award equal custody considerably less often, and would thereby provide much less parenting time to fathers, than the respondents themselves would award. 

Study 2 found that respondents maintained their strong preference for equally shared custody even when there are very high levels of parental conflict for which the parents were equally to blame, but awarded substantially less time to the culpable parent when only one was the primary instigator of the parental conflict. 

The striking degree to which the public favors equal custody combined with their view that the current court system under-awards parenting time to fathers could account for past findings that the system is seriously slanted toward mothers, and suggests that family law may have a public relations problem. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2011 APA, all rights reserved) 

http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/law/17/2/212/

From the Huffington Post 

ROBERT HUGHES, JR.

University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign, Professor of Human Development

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-hughes/how-does-the-public-view-_b_877174.html

American Fathers Liberation Army shared Mike Whitney's 

Mike Whitney

November 25 at 7:27pm · 

On this thanksgiving or any other day... No matter what is going on in your life and no matter how bad it is or how sad it makes you feel, No matter what you'refaith or beliefs are, No matter if you're all alone or if you're surrounded by a bunch of assholes, No matter how hard it may seem to you..
Please take the time to really think about some of the things you actually do have to be thankful for. No matter how insignificant you may think those things may be they're probably something that somebody somewhere dreams about having.

You may even realize that there's actually many things you have to be thankful for, so really think about it. Even if it means you only find one thing and you feel like you just don't care, as if all you have in life is barely even a small spark of hope. Well at at least you have that so don't take it for granted and minimize it. Instead you should try hard to focus and build on it.

Even if it means you feel you can't or won't help yourself it's still possible for you to help others in some way. You could give somebody or something else a bit of hope if only just for a moment. By doing this it means you do matter and in a round about way you will be actually helping yourself as well.

That's how this shit works. You're alive! so just try hard to think about what you do have to be thankful for no matter how insignificant you think it is. Some of us may think differently about it being insignificant and may be quite thankful for you being there making an effort.. I know I would be.
I tip my hat to those who find light in the darkest places and are willing to share it. Much Love & respect to all those who are willing to help themselves and help others.

"Happy" may be a word that seems very far off to many people and animals who are in a bad way, but remember that no matter what you've been through or what you think you know... the truth is that it's always very possible for you to still make a difference in some way. Help yourself by helping others in any way at all. Even if it goes unnoticed it still means something if you try and never give up.

The word "Happy" can actually sting to those who are truly hurting. So instead I'll wish a "Hopeful" Thanksgiving to all.. with no exceptions.

So for your sake and everyone else.. hang tough & start paying it forward.

Post by Miami-Dade Commission on Ethics & Public Trust.

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