THE TRUTH BEHIND WHO "WINS" A CUSTODY CASE
by Wendy Archer
Written by Wendy Archer
Organizer & Host of Bubbles of LOVE Day DFW
contact information: wendyarcher@rocketmail.com
The truth about litigation and the conduct of family court judges is not pretty. In fact the truth is so downright ugly that it is literally unbelievable to most people who have not experienced it firsthand. Most of us were raised to believe that our justice system ensures that in the end justice is served. Of course we know that there is misconduct and even corruption in some situations but surely that would not be true in cases involving child abuse, so we assume. Everyone knows that child abusers are considered to be on the on the lowest rung of the ladder in any and all social groups and surely no judge would knowingly and intentionally put a child into the hands of an abuser, right? Wrong. In fact, grossly wrong.The truth is that child abusers are awarded full custody of the children they abuse on a regular basis and in many situations the family court judges KNOW they are putting these children into the hands of their abusers.
Unbelievable? YES. True? YES. But HOW and WHY can this possibly be true you must be wondering if you are one of the lucky few who has not witnessed this very sick operation of our family court system.
The HOW and WHY can usually be boiled down to a few simple factors. FINANCIAL AND POLITICAL MOTIVATIONS.
One very common scenario is as follows...
There is a couple who has been divorced for several years. They share exactly equal parenting time per court orders, an exact 50/50 split of time. One parent is extremely narcissistic, very emotionally abusive and unusually wealthy. The other parent is mild mannered, compliant and very financially poor. The extremes between the two parents' personality traits and financial situations make the conditions right for a contentious custody issue to surface at any time, especially if the differences become more and more extreme over time.Narcissist personalities have an unbridled sense of entitlement. If they want it, they feel entitled to it. Period. Narcissistic personalities also lack any fear of consequences, including consequences as serious as jail time. When these traits are combined with unlimited financial resources, the results can be horrifying. For example, if a narcissistic and wealthy parent decides they want to violate court orders and withhold a child from the other parent they will do so with bold entitlement and without fear of any consequences. In fact they will probably even act proud of their illegal and unethical actions. This happens all too frequently. It seems the remedy would be simple in that the victim parent would seek legal assistance and the parent in violation of court orders would be swiftly corrected and punished by a family court judge.
Shockingly and sadly, that is not the reality of what most often happens. After attempting to beg, plead and reason with the narcissistic parent to stop violating court orders, the victim parent usually does hire an attorney and naively assumes that a family court judge will act swiftly with integrity. After all, that's what the family court judges are there for. Little does the victim parent know that the outcome of the case might very well have nothing at all to do with laws or ethics or what is in "the best interest of the children." With the "right attorneys" and unlimited financial resources, the narcissistic parent can and very often does ultimately purchase custody of the children.
Even in situations where it is 100% documented and 100% indisputable that the children have been abused by this person AND that the victim parent is the only mentally healthy and safe parent...even confirmed by the unbiased and objective expert opinions of doctors who have evaluated the children and even confirmed by the abuser's own admission... it is not only possible but likely the narcissistic wealthy abusive parent will obtain full custody of the children. The narcissistic parent will use their most coveted skills and weapons; charming people and money. The abusive parent's narcissistic skills combined with the legal tactic of financially and emotionally destroying the victim parent during litigation is very effective. With their financial resources, the narcissistic parent can hire a literal army of attorneys and you can be certain that they will hire attorneys who have very close relationships with the judge and are most likely some of the judge's top campaign contributors (yes, they really can do that.) This alone will almost assure the narcissistic parent of purchasing custody of their children.
However, narcissists derive intense pleasure out of harming their victims. Therefore, they usually take full advantage of their attorneys' strategy of draining the victim parent of every single penny they have until the victim parent simply has no choice to but sign a "settlement" under extreme duress.
Remember, the victim parent had little or no money to begin with. With the help of their "judge friendly" attorneys and the judge it's only a matter of time before the narcissistic parent has the victim parent financially devastated to the point where they literally can't provide food, clothing or shelter for the children. Many of these victim parents lose everything, every cent they ever saved and even their homes. Their credit is destroyed. They literally can't buy food or clothing for the children and must resort to assistance from various organizations to survive.
