Thursday

When truth is buried underground it grows.


When truth is buried underground it grows, it chokes, it gathers such an explosive force than on the day it bursts out, it blows up everything with it.

Lying In Family Court by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. 

When I became a family law attorney/mediator after a dozen years as a therapist, one of the biggest surprises was the extent of lying in Family Court: lies about income, assets and even complete fabrications of child abuse and domestic violence. Why would people lie so much, I wondered? How did they get away with it? The following is my psycho-social analysis of what I believe has become an epidemic: 

Men lie: It was a sad phone call from a relatively new client. He informed me his father had just died. He had quit his job and was moving back east to wrap up his father's affairs. He asked me to tell his wife's attorney that he would not be able to pay child support for their three young children for a long time. (There was no support order yet.)


The next day, his wife's attorney called me back and described how upset his wife was to learn of her father-in-law's death. So upset, that she had called his father -- and had a nice chat!


Women lie: A mother involved in a custody battle told the court in dramatic detail about physical abuse at the hands of her husband. She even submitted reports of visits to doctors and emergency rooms for her bruises.


However, a court-ordered psychological evaluation determined the allegations were false. The court agreed and awarded custody to the father. A few weeks later the mother picked up the children from school and disappeared for a year. She was caught, sent to jail for parental kidnapping, and the children returned to the father

Societal Increase in Lying


Surveys show that lying has increased over the past decade. In 1999 alone: the President was tried in Congress for perjury; a popular journalist in Boston was publicly fired for fabricating heart-rending stories; and a scientist was exposed for falsifying research on a high-profile safety issue.




We have become a society of individuals. Personal gain is more important than community values. In this mobile "information age," we rely on strangers and are easily fooled. In business, politics, and the movies, winning is everything. Successful manipulation and deceit are admired. In court, lying is often rewarded and rarely punished.


No Penalty for Perjury


Divorce Courts rely heavily on "he said, she said" declarations, signed "under penalty of perjury." However, a computer search of family law cases published by the appellate courts shows only one appellate case in California involving a penalty for perjury: People v. Berry (1991) 230 Cal. App. 3d 1449. The penalty? Probation.





Perjury is a criminal offense, punishable by fine or jail time, but it must be prosecuted by the District Attorney--who does not have the time. Family Court judges have the ability to sanction (fine) parties, but no time to truly determine that one party is lying. Instead, they may assume both parties are lying or just weigh their credibility. With no specific consequence, the risks of lying are low. 



Personality Disorders and Patterns of Lying

Family Courts see everything: from small deceptions about income to the complete fabrication of abuse. The increase in lying seems to correspond with the rising number of people with personality disorders. They often have internal distress, less empathy for others, a highly adversarial world view, an intense and manipulative nature, and a sense of victimization which they use to justify harming others. Studies show they have identifiable and predictable patterns of lying:

A party with a Borderline Personality Disorder may lie out of anger or even self-deception in an effort to maintain a bond with their child or spouse--or to retaliate for abandonment. Battles over custody and visitation are common.

One with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder may lie to boost themselves or to put other people down. They enjoy manipulating the truth and other people's lives. They may experience excitement and a sense of power by successfully fooling the court and dominating the other party. An Antisocial Personality Disorder is characterized by deception, manipulation, and disrespect for authority. Commonly known as "con artists," they are skilled at breaking the rules. They fabricate detailed events and use the courts to get revenge or money. Their lack of empathy makes them constant liars -- and often violent.

A Histrionic Personality Disorder is often highly dramatic and demanding, with superficial charm and seductiveness. They are skilled at lying and self-deception. Fabrication is also common. 

Detecting Deception

Few people can visually detect deception. Research on judges, federal polygraphers, psychiatrists and college students showed that all were no better than chance using a standardized videotape test. Only Secret Service Agents were better than average at distinguishing truth and lies.

Some studies show that the more confident a person is, the less effective they are at lie detection. Studies of police investigators and customs inspectors found that those with more experience were less accurate than novices. 

Ineffectiveness of Non-Verbal Cues

Many people believe they can determine whether someone is lying by observing non-verbal behavior, such as: touching their face, blinking their eyes, suddenly itchy nose, neck-scratching. 

These behaviors indicate anxiety, which most people experience when then lie. However, most people display anxiety when they are under any pressure, such as being challenged about their honesty. Therefore, these symptoms are unreliable.

Studies show that the only way non-verbal cues may be truly helpful is to observe a person over time. Their changes in non-verbal behavior may be a more accurate indicator of lying.

An additional problem is that those with antisocial personalities actually become less anxious when they lie, and therefore do not exhibit behavioral cues and do not register anxious symptoms on lie detector tests.

Effectiveness of Examining Records

Studies have shown that examining documents for contradictions has been more reliable than focusing on non-verbal cues. In fact, they have found that evaluators were best at lie detection when they were blind to nonverbal cues. Those who just read transcripts were the most accurate.

What Can Be Done?

The adversarial process naturally encourages lying: winning is the goal, liars get equal time, and the most skillful adversary wins -- regardless of the truth. To overcome this inherent problem, we need:

More use of mediation: Mediation and negotiation focus on problem-solving for the future. Lying about the past has little relevance. The parties know the lies and do not tolerate them. 

More judicial time: Most divorce court decisions are made in 10-20 minute hearings. Judges must determine the custody and visitation schedule, the amounts of child support and spousal support, and often whether restraining orders are appropriate. There is little time to analyze each declaration to determine who is lying. Judicial lectures alone have little impact or the opposite effect on personality disorders. More judges with more time could reduce lying from the start. 

More attorney research: Attorneys often advocate for their clients' statements without investigation. They often assume they will never know who is telling the truth. Instead, they should learn about personality disorders and patterns of lying, more carefully question their clients, and more aggressively seek corroborating evidence. 

More therapist awareness: Therapists are trained to form impressions based on interpersonal observations rather than external evidence. They form strong bonds and believe their clients. They can provide the court with observations of their own client's behavior, but should not reach conclusions based on hearing one side. They need to be more wary of manipulation in court cases. 

More consequences: It is an established dynamic of human behavior that rules made, but not enforced, are increasingly broken. Lying in court is already illegal. So long as there is no penalty for perjury, lying will increase. Family Court sanctions (fines) should be used for lying. 

More training: Court-related professionals need to realize that you cannot tell who is lying by simple observation. Yet one can learn personality dynamics which help indicate who might be lying, patterns of lying and where to look for evidence.

Resources

To be honest, studies referenced in this article came from: Lies! Lies! Lies! The Psychology of Deceit by Ford (1996) and Communication in Legal Advocacy by Rieke Stutman

Scott Adams

The Pink Slip Project - A Solution To Overhaul The Dysfunctional Family Court System In Florida.

Read more: NewJudge.com

The greatest scourge an angry Heaven ever inflicted upon an ungrateful and a sinning people, was an ignorant, a corrupt, or a dependent Judiciary.”

Chief Justice John Marshall.Dysfunctional Family Courts - 2015

Stand up for Zoraya is about her Dad's 8-YEAR fight to stay in her life. Nixa Maria Rose (Zoraya's Mom) is causing severe emotional/mental child abuse to Zoraya.

Need an example? Last year on Zoraya's birthday Doreen Bailey (Dad's long-time girlfriend) went to the school ("after school") to take Zoraya a present from her Dad. The present was a large photo of Dad and Brother. When Doreen approached Nixa and Zoraya in the parking lot Nixa began screaming at her (yes they know each other). Doreen asked Nixa if she could give Zoraya the present and Nixa said no!! Doreen left and told Dad who then called the Florida Department of Children and Families (DCF) and Families only to be let down again when they told him it was a custody battle issue. 
THIS IS NOT A CUSTODY BATTLE ISSUE ~ THIS IS A CHILD PROTECTION ISSUE!!!
If you know the story then you know that Dad NEVER sought custody. For the whole story read the article Family Court's Reckless Disregard ~~~~~~~~~~> 

This article will illustrate that certain individuals (to be named) that Dad sought assistance from are actually complicit in the Parental Alienation/Stockholm Syndrome of Zoraya despite the desperate pleas of her Dad and paternal family. 

We will begin with our opinions of the doctors and therapist that said they were going to help but DID NOT. We're declaring they failed to report child abuse while under mandated reporting obligation.

From the most recent Martha (FMLT) and Dr. Camps-Romero of the Florida International University Medical School. Dad was referred to them (indirectly) through his Primary Physician, Professor (@FIU Med Sch) Dr. Cheryl L. Holder.
TO BE CONTINUED
______________________

Hi Bio-Mom


I see you have found our little club here and you've decided to troll around for a bit. I first would like to say "welcome" on behalf of the men and women who suffer daily inside and outside these pages. We are glad you are here. 

Feel free to take your time and peruse the stories of men and women who have lost everything. Take in the agony and the pain, read the horror stories of men who haven't seen their children in 6 weeks, 6 months or 6 years. You will notice that all the stories share a familiar tone. The pain is real. The disbelief is palpable. 

The constant barrage of men ready to give up is unfortunately true. They may give up and stop fighting vindictive exes for their children and just move on, only to be later called a deadbeat loser from the same woman that deprived him of his children. They may give up and eat a bullet, jump from a bridge or tie a noose around their neck and say their final goodbye. You win, they lose. 

You are now an accessory to murder.  Stick around and look at the pictures of the children that are left behind. These are the other victims. The victims without a voice in all of this. Had they had a choice they would almost always choose to have a loving caring father by their side. You deprive them of that. Not only do you assist in the murdering of fathers, but you're also a child abuser.

Congratulations!!!


Be sure to keep coming back to our little club here. Make jokes about how we are all domestic abusers who feel we have some ghastly privilege of fathering our children. Keep your kids close to you, be sure you cash that child support check and keep the children from Daddy if he misses a payment. It's only a fair punishment for him.
Make him suffer.
Make him hurt so bad he stays awake at night crying because he misses his kids so badly.
Make him out to be the deadbeat you just know he is.

Make his feel the depths of depression and despair by keeping his kids from him.
Threaten to have him arrested and thrown in jail for inability to pay child support.
You're cruising now bio-mom. You show them who is boss. Don't allow him to talk to his kids on the phone.
Don't allow him to have one extra minute of "visitation".
Marginalize him and make him feel what a scumbag he truly is.
Don't tell him of your children's accomplishment or how they are doing in school.
Keep any and all medical records from him.
Keep him guessing who is with his children and where they are living.
Keep doing what you are doing bio-mom.

Now we all know who the boss is.
It was never the judges or lawyers who caused all this. It was you.
Now look down at your children and realize everything you have done to your ex has also been done to them. See, you are a child abuser after all.

By Joe Makem - Post by The Fathers' Rights Movement


ANOTHER EASTER WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER


A lie cannot live.

A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus.

A man who won't die for something is not fit to live.

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We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

“Changing a child last name (away from the father’s) is an act of venom”

The time is always right to do what is right.

Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.

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