I am a Human being…a Parent!

Parental Alienation Is Real

By rphj  |  Posted June 15, 2015  |  Santa Monica, California

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Today is my son’s 7th birthday. June 16th, 2008 seems like just yesterday when I was holding my newborn son in my arms. Hard to believe he is that old but harder to believe that I have not been allowed to see him in 18 months for no reason. I am not a child abuser, drug abuser or any danger to my son. I was allowed to be a part of his life for 5 1/2 years and he was always happy, healthy and well taken care of while in my care. If not for me, my son’s seizures would have never been discovered or treated. 

So I ask myself why a good father has been denied access to his child for a year and a half? Oh, I almost forgot about the parental alienation from his vindictive mother. Or the way she uses the broken, corrupt, unjust family courts and laws to keep him from me. 

There are many people that say Parental Alienation or PA is not a real thing. Those same people have either never had their children kept from them, are guilty of PA themselves, or profit from its use. 

March 16th, 2015 

Dear ——–, 

It saddens me that you have decided to cut me out of our (yep, it took both of us to create him) child’s life because of your own selfish desire to hurt me. I am not surprised as you made it clear early in his life that if I wasn’t with you, I would only see him when you allowed. You even threatened to kill our child so my family and I couldn’t see him! 

I appreciate that I got to teach him a lot and see some of his “firsts” because you allowed me to watch him while you worked. I also appreciated the time I was allowed to watch him while you dated your now husband. Thank God I was able to spend time with him to discover he was having seizures and get him treatment. I am sorry I took you to court but you put that on yourself by failing to give him his seizure medication. 

I appreciate you allowing our son to come to California for 3 weeks in 2013. I appreciate you allowing our son to spend a week with me on his Christmas break in 2013. Hmmm…I am a great daddy and our son loves me but you won’t allow our son to visit in over a year? 

What makes it worse is you know his daddy is sick, yet you still have no soul… 

Just because the law gives you all the power, does not mean you should use it to hurt our child. Sure, you are hurting me but you are destroying our innocent child with your actions. I know how to cope with crazy adults that only care about themselves but our child does not have that ability. Your actions have continued to show how much you do not care about anyone but yourself.

Everyone wants to throw out the word “deadbeat” for fathers but any mother that stands in the way of her children having a relationship with their father is the true “deadbeat.” You take it even further by being college educated but not working while collecting money from the citizens of Indiana. I forgot, you do babysit for cash so you are not sitting on your lazy behind doing nothing all day…oh, I almost forgot that our son was touched inappropriately by one of the children your were to be “WATCHING!” 

I know your response will be how you carried him for 9 months so that makes our child YOUR property. I can not change that I was born with male reproductive organs and can not experience the miracle of child birth. Trust me if I could, I would!! Being male does not make me less of a parent. How are you going to feel when our son has children and some female does, to our son and his family, what you are doing right now? 

How are you going to explain to our son what you have done when he finally figures out that YOU chose to hurt him to get back at his daddy? 

There is still time for you to repair the damage that has been done but that window gets smaller each day that you fail to recognize your bad behavior. 

Your actions will eventually have consequences whether you have to answer to our son or God. 

www.disableddaddy.com

• TAGS:
 
• child_abuse, 
• parental_alienation
 

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Father's Day Is For Fathers

By rphj  |  Posted June 17, 2015  |  Santa Monica, California

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As you may or may not be aware, Angel Soft is running an ad campaign ‪#‎HappyFathersDayMom‬ that is very offensive to fathers. Not only because there is of course Mother's Day but also Single Parents day on March 21st.

Considering fathers are already negatively stereotyped by society, advertisers continue to profit from such offensive, hurtful stereotypes. What will they use next?

I expressed my concern to them with a message:
Wow...as a stay at home father, I have to battle gender bias daily. Like society already doesn't have a negative stereotypical image of fathers. We are percieved as deadbeat, absent or a lesser parent than mothers and advertisers continue to further the hurtful stereotypes. In case anyone was not already aware single parents day is March 21st and mothers already have a day in May. Lastly, Father's Day is to honor fathers.

Angel Soft replied:
Hi Paul, thank you for contacting us. Our intention was never to cause offense nor to diminish the importance of fathers. Instead, we wanted to also acknowledge the different roles that single mothers play and to provide our support to different types of families. We appreciate your feedback and thank you for taking the time to let us know.

#HappyFathersDayMom was never meant to be offensive?

As I have been researching their ads, FB, Twitter etc. looking to see if their company ever mentions dads, I could not help but notice that they mention moms (MANY TIMES) but not dads. While moms may buy their product, I guess dads do not? On most of their ads, they could simply replace moms with parents and not offend 50% of parents in the world.

Why is it accepted to minimize fathers in our society?

Modern day fathers are just as capable as mothers, just like modern women are just as capable as men.

Sadly, I doubt the media will cover this as fathers are not as important...

• TAGS:
 
• stereotypes
 

• GROUPS:
 
• My life, 
• Sound off

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A Father's Promise

By rphj  |  Posted June 20, 2015  | 

While I was enjoying "The Mommy Tea Party" (my daughter misses her hard working mommy) with my little gal, I could never imagine keeping her from her mommy in any situation.

I wish I was "allowed" to talk with and see my other children without the games and interference. I wish I did not have to hear my 3 year old ask where her buddies are or watch her cry for them. Her sad face is the worst especially because she never cries or is sad. I am sure the games have amped up this week since it is approaching Father's Day. Real grownups do not let their feelings interfere with doing what is best for their children...

My babies are my greatest accomplishment and bring me the most happiness, which is why my vindictive, angry, jealous exes decided to use them as weapons. They waited until I was fighting for my life with my biggest challenges ahead to rip them away from their daddy.

I made my children a promise when they told me about the abuse and neglect in January 2014. My kiddos trusted me to protect them, I will keep that promise. Despite the broken system and laws that were used by the custodial parents to hurt me and the children making the process harder, I will fight to change the laws and protect my babies as promised. Giving all the power to one parent is never going to be successful. Judges using negative stereotypes instead of actual evidence to make decisions has no place in a place called a "court"

Promises made to our innocent children is why The Fathers' Rights Movement (TFRM) held rallies across the country today.

My personal promise to my own children is why the Fathers Matter March is being held tomorrow.

My promise to my children is why I am so passionate about changing negative stereotypes about fathers by society, advertisers and Hollywood. These negative stereotypes are accepted and used freely by society to put down an entire group of people and devalue fatherhood while other hurtful, insensitive stereotypes about other groups of people would never be allowed or are frowned upon. Why is it ok to put down some groups but not others?

My promise to my children is why I continue to talk with politicians across the country about why laws need to change. Our country is allowing our children to be destroyed over money, anger, hurt feelings, greed, selfishness...do they not deserve better from the adults who should be protecting them? Our children are innocent and have no voice other than us. If we would quit destroying our children then crime goes down, mental illness goes down, substance abuse goes down...negative things in our society goes down making our country great again! (Oh crap, Mr. Trump do not sue me as that is close to your campaign slogan)

I am one man that might be broken by a disease, vindictive exes and a horrible family court system but I am not defeated and will fight until my last breath to keep my promise. I encourage us all to stop the hate and allowing the destruction of our greatest future asset...our children. Contact your political leaders and tell them this is unacceptable and they will not get your vote if they do not support family law reform including 50/50 shared parenting.

Lastly, to my children...I know you do not understand why we can not see each other and may think daddy broke his promise but I have not. I think about you every second of the day and will keep fighting to live, change the unjust system that has tried to destroy our relationship and allowed you to be neglected. As I always told you, people can never take the love from your heart or the memories from your head. Remember my motto I taught you all: There are no problems, only solutions...Daddy is working on a solution. I love you and miss you bunches!!

disableddaddy.com

• TAGS:
 
• fatherhood, 
• family_law_reform, 
• parental_alienation
 

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A Father's Love Is No Less Than A Mother's

By rphj  |  Posted August 15, 2015  |  Santa Monica, California

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I will never understand the laws in place that automatically assumes the mother is the best option for a child of unwed parents and gives the father no rights. If the father is a loving, involved father throughout the pregnancy then why are they automatically a lesser parent? Just because a mother carries the child does not make her a better parent or imply a superior bond. I think every situation has to be looked at on a case by case basis and not just on assumptions, as it should be what is in the best interest of the child. Seldom does the government, laws or family courts actually care what is in the best interest of the child, which is the biggest problem unwed fathers face. 

Let us explore an example of unwed parents below and why automatically giving a mother custody may not be in the child’s best interest. 

Behavior/Action/Ability Mother Father 

1. Lost job due to being dishonest. YES NO 

2. Threatened to kill child to keep other parent from seeing child. YES NO 

3. Uses child to control other parent. YES NO 

4. Began alienating child from other involved, loving parent from birth to hurt them. YES NO 

5. Views child as property they own. YES NO 

6. Noticed child was having serious medical issue. NO YES 

7. Refused to give child prescribed medication. YES NO 

8. Uses lies in family court to further parental alienation against other parent. YES NO 

9. Does not allow other loving parent to see child but wants their money. YES NO 

10. Allows child to be touched inappropriately while in their care. YES NO 

11. Has college education but is unemployed. YES NO 

12. Lives off government programs and handouts. YES NO 

13. Files false IRS tax returns to get more money from the government. YES NO 

14. Can provide private health insurance for child. NO YES 

15. Has shown they actually love the child and want what is best for them. NO YES 

16. Can raise a hard working child with good morals, honesty, integrity, etc. NO YES 

The assumption that mothers are better parents than fathers is putting many children into dangerous situations. 50/50 shared custody should be the goal unless a parent (mother or father) is proven to be unfit. The world of parenting is changing with many fathers taking a more active role in the raising of their children then ever before but society has been slow to catch up. Unfortunately, there are many bad parents of both genders that do not care about their children. To just give one parent custody while stripping the other parent’s rights to their child is unconstitutional. Fathers have the right to raise their children and our children have the right to both loving, fit parents!! 

The government is the #1 reason for fatherless children!! 

*The above chart is only to represent why there should not be laws that allow an assumption that one parent automatically get custody without due process and does not represent any actual people. Any likeness or similiarities to any actual people is only coincidental. 

disableddaddy.com

• TAGS:
 
• motherhood,
•  
• parental_alienation,
•  
• family_law_reform, 
• family_court_reform, 
• fatherhood
 

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Posted by Childrens Rights Florida on Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Posted by Childrens Rights Florida on Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Post by Stop Mental Child Abuse.

Post by Children's Rights.

Post by Children's Rights.

Alienated Parent? Help is on the Way

Parental Alienation may be a growing trend in our country. Defined as “when a child expresses unjustified hatred or unreasonably strong dislike of one parent, making access by the rejected parent difficult or impossible,” (source) parental alienation occurs most often in divorce with high-conflict child custody battles. The child, sometimes by the indoctrination of the custodial parent, expresses intense dislike of the non-custodial parent. Occasionally, accusations of abuse come with the breach of affection, further complicating separation or divorce.

What if you are the alienated parent? What can you do or where can you go to get support?

Across the country, groups of affected parents and their advocates are banding together to support each other. Such groups work to educate families, influence officials and advocate for legal changes to promote equal parenting time during a divorce. Looking online or in local directories will provide information about such groups. In Florida, for example, meetings are held in Lakeland and Naples. Click here for a list of support groups in several states.

If a support group is out of reach, try some written resources. There are several books on the market that tell the stories of this hardship. A Family’s Heartbreak,a book and a blog, chronicles a father’s alienation from his son for 18 years and their eventual reuniting when his son became an adult. The blog, found here, not only shares some stories from the book but also reflects on news items pertaining to this issue. This is just one of a number of written resources on this issue.

Another support resource is to find and work with a professional therapist or psychologist. They can help you gain perspective and work out grief issues.

Last, but not least, look for an attorney who specializes in cases of parental alienation. Again, looking online can provide you with a list of resources but be sure to meet potential candidates to test whether you are a good fit for each other.

As always, don’t try to do this alone whether you reside in West Palm Beach or in Wellington. Look to these resources as well as trusted family and friends to help you and your child through a difficult time.

 

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