The first and the darkest painful Yule Tide
Came after a year of chasing my bride
Her anger as cold as the winter snow
Was buried so deep, how could a man know?
With hope I had ventured across the land
Hoping in Heaven to still hold her hand
I was ignorant of her hateful plan
To steal from me children, loves of my life
Who would suspect that from his lovely wife?
We were celebrating Christmas that day
And because I was no longer away
My goal to make that Christmas so lovely
But that painful day I would have spared you
The pain you would feel when mommy would say... I hate you! Get out! While nearby you played
How shocking it was on that hateful morn
To learn that mommy viewed daddy with scorn
Stunned I was also, my child and my joy
To hear words of hate come out of your mom
Your mother, my lover, my friend and wife
Gave me no warning of this change in life
"Get out" I did, twas the last time I saw
You, or spoke to you for many weeks more
We met the next week on a frigid night
I can recall the thought, can I save this?
Perhaps I might remind her of fam-ly
Of children and of happier times when
Our love was stronger. I thought I'd prevail
I'm sorry my child, my love, but I failed
I asked her for reasons that fateful night
The answer she gave me was quite a slight
"You're not good enough for me" said my wife
The worst seven words I’ve heard in my life
Shocked, I went through the daily motions of
Routine, hoping I'd wake from this bad dream
Thinking the worst part was over for me
Soon did I learn that I was not quite right
When six weeks had passed since that Christmas night
Being apart from the loves of my life
The weeks turned to months that we were apart
And I almost did succumb to my heart
Until one day I finally “got it.”
I am a father, and fathers don't quit.
Back home to my fam-ly is where I went
Feeling a failure to my Heaven-sent
I went back to regroup, and back to heal
I went back to learn of strength unrevealed
Strength that was born of a weakness profound
Broken and humbled, 'twas self love I found
To learn that to love you, I first must love Me.
Because a daddy who hates himself
Cannot a good daddy be
I attacked with a passion flaws I had
Because nothing is better than being "Dad"
During these dark months, often I would say:
“Know I will always love you and be near
I will never give up, my child, don't fear”
Well, another dark Christmas came last year
I spent all I had to bring Yuletide Cheer
No way! Not a chance! Is what she did say
These children are mine! You just go away!
Just a short visit, I begged and I pled.
But she slammed the door and wished I were dead
I learned that tears can freeze, that Christmas day
A message from God to strengthen my heart
For His children need a daddy who's smart
Into the snow I went pondering this
Onto the motel I brought all your gifts
Thinking of ways for your spirits to lift
A visit we had, and love we did share
It wasn't on Christmas, and though not fair
Was happy to see you. I didn't care
How much you had grown! Your feet and your hair!
Telling you Daddy would always be there
And noticing that now you might not care
Stuffing this fear because I know what's right
A child needs a daddy on Christmas night
Well, Daddy is here, loves; this is not right
I gave you my love, hon, in that short time
That time they allowed, so short twas a crime
There's never been danger from me, my love
Never did I harm my purpose for life
No, we're both victims of a bitter wife
Sure, mistakes I have made during my life
But nothing that merits this bitter strife
Frozen tears I pondered on my way home
And the lessons you'll miss before you're grown
If this dad gave up on this fight of fights
I will not. I cannot. This just ain't right
So a team I did hire to help me win
This unfortunate battle that's a sin
And money they did charge, hand over fist
It was payment toward our big Christmas list
But when Christmas season was 'round the bend
I realized no money I had to spend
To pay for more promises unfulfilled
And support the local lawyers guild
So I parted ways with my lawyers then
And approached the third Christmas, now darkened
But have heart in this story my children
This is where good things will really begin
Know that your daddy has a plan for you
Because frankly, there's nothing I won't do
As I write this on Christmas the third so far
Please know my darlings that daddy's going to war
No more tears will I shed for the time that we've lost
No more lamenting the exorbitant cost
Of fighting to see you so little it hurts
No more will I let lawyers make things worse
No, they've woken a tiger whose efforts won't wain
They've taunted a father whose children are in pain
It's time that this daddy dealt some of the same
So don't you despair this Christmas my loves
Send those scary thoughts to God up above
He loves you like me, and knows what you need
Ask him to bless Daddy with strength and speed
Your heavenly father will never fail
I know cuz he's carried me through this tale
See he's my Father, too, and he loves me
A perfect example of fathering
He has a big plan, and it involves us
Being together for our next Christmas
Having this knowledge, this passion, this love
Has caused your daddy to take off the gloves
Within legal bounds I will focus my strikes
Just anger will focus my thoughts at night
Bad things come in threes, they always do say
So we're about due for a lovely day
So don't you lose hope, your daddy is here
There's no reason for sadness, or of fear
Your father, he loves you. He'll make this right
Let's see if these bastards know how to fight