Children's Rights

Tuesday

"It's difficult to be what you don't see." - Daddyless Daughters

"It's difficult to be what you don't see."

—Roland C. Warren, Board Member, National Fatherhood Initiative (on the importance of role models)

Roland Warren was on Oprah’s LifeClass last Sunday to discuss fatherless sons and single moms working to parent their sons. In the video, Roland asks a single mom in the audience, "what kind of father do you want for your son? What kind of father do you want your son to be?"

The show focused on mistakes single moms often make. Single mothers tend to focus on the finances. In the video, Roland explains that finances can't be the primary issue of focus. Watch the video and see Roland share vital advice with a single mom on how she should be raising her fatherless son. He makes it clear that finances aren't as important to your child as you being there physically for your child.

Roland draws a clear distinction in the video between the wallet and the heart. Which one are you chasing after?

Can't view the video? Click here.

First Look: "Daddyless Daughters, Part 1"

Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant address an audience of fatherless daughters, who reveal how their lives have been affected by their fathers' absence.

First Look: "Daddyless Daughters, Part 2"

In the second part of this discussion, Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant address an audience of fatherless daughters who are ready heal, and coach the women through that process of forgiveness and letting go. Watch this episode of Oprah's Lifeclass on Sunday, July 21, at 9/8c.

3 Ways Women Become Daddyless Daughters

Expert Iyanla Vanzant says a father acts as a role model for his son. For a daughter, she says, a father teaches a girl how to be with herself as a woman and how to have nonsexual relationships with men. Watch as Iyanla explains the importance of a father in a girl's life and the three ways women become daddyless daughters.

Two Painful Ways a Father's Absence Can Affect a Woman's Life

Shanon didn't know her father until she was 15. Then as an adult, she stayed in a toxic relationship to prevent her three girls from growing up without a father like she did. Iyanla says Shanon is exhibiting one of the ways daddyless daughters manifest their pain. The second-most common way is promiscuity. Find out why expert Dr. Steve Perry says promiscuity is a form of self-mutilation.

The 7 "Uns" of Daddyless Daughters

Relationship expert Iyanla Vanzant says daddyless daughters have a "treasure chest of 'uns'"—feeling unwanted, unloved and so on. Find out why Iyanla says every daddyless daughter needs to unpack her "uns" and redefine the story she believes about her life.

Iyanla Helps a Daddyless Daughter Confront Her Fear of Abandonment

When she was 8 years old, Kendall's father came to school to pick up who he said was his daughter—and left with his girlfriend's child instead. Since then, Kendall says, she's suffered from a fear of abandonment and has trouble trusting others. Watch as Iyanla works through this hurt with her.

Post by Oprah's Lifeclass.

Monday

MAKE 50/50 SHARED PARENTING STANDARD THE BEST INTEREST OF CHILDREN AND PARENTS

Comments and Contributions
Father's Rights
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At the core of it all; it is Human Rights. Fathers... Mothers... Both Human beings. A child born is a Human created... that Human being created from a Father and Mother is going to be here long after breast feeding and long after its first few years of tender care. The psychological effects of gestation and giving birth are something that a Male parent cannot understand. This is not a fault or weakness, it is not permission to be treated with less Rights in Parenting.

A baby is born... Parents are created at this moment too. That creation process (when parents are born) is special and important. Human rights are linked to every aspect of Parenting. To write any laws to reflect gender preference is to define WHICH parent receives more parenting rights. This is NOT a construct of Equality, it is the construct of social engineering.

Culture is evolving and law is progressive.

Acceptance of Equality
Practice of Equality
Enforcement of Equality

Ryan Sellars

Of course there is people who stand in the way of Progression and Changes in Culture.

The fight is not simply your case... That is your personal battle... and it is extremely important because when you stand up for your rights not just as a father, but as a Human being and Parent. You are taking a stand in society and showing people that you are not branding yourself in the image that society has cast shadows onto. Fatherhood... As a 'Father' you might have strength, but in court or to Mothers, you might simply trigger stereotypes on a mental & Emotional level. As a ' Parent ' you are Equal. As a Human you are Equal.

If you have read finalized court documents you might notice that words can define you. We all know that words are not truly what defines who you are, ...but on paper... to the courts... Words can limit your Human Rights. Stigma and Public Opinion are either enemies or valiant defenders of your case. Fight for your cause! and when you do, do it as a Human being fighting for Equal rights as a Parent.

Write your state reps and Write about this. Whatever wrongs have been inflicted against you, writing the state and your government about Equal rights for Parents (leaving gender descriptive words to a minimum or out completely) is the first steps in shifting culture and society into a more Equal and positive future for all parents. Imagine all the young parents who will come after us... We need to stand together and we will be stronger for it.

SAMPLE LETTER

MAKE 50/50 SHARED PARENTING STANDARD THE BEST INTEREST OF CHILDREN AND PARENTS

Please sign this petition letting your legislators know that you support creating a presumptive 50/50 Shared Parenting standard to protect our children and families from the ravages of the divorce industry.

To: State Legislators

What is more precious: your 14th amendment, basic human right to parent your children or your 2nd amendment right to bear arms? If you had to lose one, which would it be?

“Only lawyers win in the divorce” is the mantra from which Family Law Statues where written under the false banner of a “child’s best interest.” The lack of a presumptive 50/50 Shared Parenting standard continues to make the divorce industry flourish while children’s lives lay in the ruin.

By creating this 50/50 Shared Parenting standard, our children and parents will be protected from an industry that creates, promotes and perpetuates conflict for its financial gain. Lives are ruined, lives are lost and injustices beyond comprehension as children are alienated from their parents.

The presumptive 50/50 Shared Parenting standard is based on an absence of a preponderance of evidence supporting abuse, neglect, addiction or other serious issue as defined by a Court. This fact-based and objective-based approach has to replace the hearsay and subjectively corrupt manner of today's family court processes.

Given us this single standard can reduce the amount of divorce litigation by half and allow families to move forward with the best interest of all in mind. Help protect parental rights as strongly as gun rights.

It is your duty to introduce legislation establishing a presumptive 50/50 Shared Parenting standard and protect our divorcing families from being exploited by an industry for its own greed.

Sincerely,

[Your name]

Remain an Equal Parent to your Child!

We only support organizations who show an understanding that children need both parents, and that either parent is equally capable of the choice to perpetrate hate or declare peace.

2/20

Saturday

"'Band aid' types of remedies won’t stop the 'internal bleeding' that is occurring in the relationship between the parent and children" ~ Andrew J. Thompson

Post by Stop Mental Child Abuse.

What a Family Court Can Really Do
Effective Remedies to Parental Alienation

By Andrew J Thompson

Recently I’ve dealt with several cases in which the objective, outward behavior of an alienating parent comes across as anything but harmful to the relationship between the parent and child.

For example, Mom “delivers” the children to the hallway outside her apartment at the time Dad comes to pick them up for parenting time. The children, all boys, 15, 13 and 11, all refuse to go. Mom says, “I’m sorry, they just don’t want to go with you.” Then she ushers them back into her apartment.

What’s wrong with this scene? The mother’s attorney argues, “What else is she supposed to do?”

The reality is that the children couldn’t get to this point without Mom playing a significant role in the outcome. But undoing the harm can be very challenging. What if the children won’t go with Dad even if he picks them up after school?

The bottom line is that once parental alienation has been engaged, reversing the problem means that the alienating parent has to feel the other parents’ pain. If her attorney says “what can Mom do?”, the first thing I have to suggest is that she pay Dad’s attorney fees for having to bring this to her attention, in a way that actually gets her attention.

The core of the truth is that what this mother has had to do that brings the children to a point where they won’t even go with their father is something very brutal – though none of it may be visible on the surface. She has subtly, or much more aggressively, given the children reasons to feel that time with their father, or even any relationship at all, is unnecessary or serving their own interests.

Alienation of parental affection is drastic and extremely harmful to a child. Typically the alienating parent will cite a laundry list of defects in the other parent – anger, alcohol, laziness, lack of concern and involvement, dishonesty, infidelity, sometimes even violence – as reasons for allowing their children’s relationship with the other parent to die.

But when you take children who’ve grown up and lived with parents with any or all of these factors – and stayed in their lives – they continue to love and cherish that parent, even seek their affections. In reality, an alienating parent doesn’t need to alienate a bad parent – that parent will drift to the sidelines without any help. The involved parent is a good parent.

When a parent is removed from his or her role by the other parent, it takes a very strong message to change the dynamic that set the backdrop for alienation.

So to answer the other attorney’s question about “what can she do?”, the first answer to that is, well, she could pay my client’s attorney fees for having to bring this to the court’s attention. Absent that minimal step, it’s doubtful she gets any message other than a subtle form of reinforcement, i.e. this is harder on him than it is on her.

But you or may not be able to persuade the court to take that step on a first try. If not, you have to have secondary remedies to offer. Realistically, only three things ultimately work:

(1) financial sanctions: awarding attorney fees and/or offsets against child support;

(2) incarceration: drastic as it seems, it becomes a necessary remedy in many, if not most cases of parental alienation, because even financial sanctions tend to fail; and

(3) change of custody: ultimately this is quite often the only change that enable the children to restore their relationship with an alienated parent. Anything short of it, means the alienating parent remains in control, and the kids do not have the chance to get what they need from the parent who has been boxed out of their lives.

Yet in many cases, a court will not take any of these measures until it has seen that really nothing else works. Often, courts craft remedies that only serve to reinforce the existing alienation tot he point the alienated parent cannot afford counsel and is unable to make the arguments on his own to get the court to do what truly needs done. When that happens, parent and child(ren) both lose. The parent is ultimately wiped off the slate from the children’s lives.

A great deal of education must be conducted by attorneys for alienated parents – and those attorneys need to understand what they are dealing with in order to accomplish that.

The wise custody attorney will explain to the court what is really going on, and explain that “band aid” types of remedies won’t stop the “internal bleeding” that is occurring in the relationship between the parent and children. To save what it is the court intends to save, strong and meaningful remedies need to be put in place and as early as possible.

If you’re a parent, grandparent or friend facing a situation involving parental alienation, or an attorney with a difficult case needing help presenting your case to the court, please contact the Thompson Law Office today at (317) 564-4976 or via email at andrew.thompson@thompsonlawoffice.com

familylawindiana.com

Millions of Daughters do not have contact with their biological fathers in the U.S and around the globe, and can not benefit from the positive influences this core relationship provides.

3-Types of Father-Daughter Alienation:

Its impact on Paradigm Development

By Karen Davis-Johnson, M.A., Editor for The Journal of Father Daughter Communications

Alienation is a verifiable Psychiatric condition - The new Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM 5) helps our children!

This beautiful animation above was created especially for Bubbles of Love Day on behalf of Kids Aiding the PAAO (KAPAAO).

Thank you to the very talented Bronwyn Coveney, from the United kingdom for volunteering her time and talent on behalf of children around the world. Bronwyn is the original visual creator of the PAAO and KAPAAO's, mascot Panda Abuzz.

Dr. Bill Bernet, lead a group of interested professionals in encouraging the DSM 5 editing group to include Parental Alienation Disorder. The new DSM % was published on May 18, 2013 and is the reference book for psychiatrists, psychologists and other mental health providers Here is Dr. Bernet's unedited analysis of the result.

Finally, DSM-5 was published today. The DSM-5 Task Force told us 2 or 3 years ago that they did not want parental alienation to be a separate diagnosis in DSM-5, but they thought that parental alienation could be considered an example of other diagnoses that are in DSM-5.

The actual words "parental alienation" are not in DSM-5, but there are several diagnoses that can be used in these cases. I would say the "spirit" of parental alienation is in DSM-5, even if the words are not.

Parent-child relational problem now has a discussion in DSM-5, not just a label. The discussion explains that cognitive problems in parent-child relational problem "may include negative attributions of the other's intentions, hostility toward or scapegoating of the other, and unwarranted feelings of estrangement." That is a pretty good description of a child's view of the alienated parent, although it is an unfortunate use of the word "estrangement."

Child psychological abuse is a new diagnosis in DSM-5. It is defined as "nonaccidental verbal or symbolic acts by a child's parent or caregiver that result, or have reasonable potential to result, in significant psychological harm to the child." In many instances, the behavior of the alienating parent constitutes child psychological abuse.

Child affected by parental relationship distress is another new diagnosis in DSM-5. It should be used "when the focus of clinical attention if the negative effects of parental relationship discord (e.g., high levels of conflict, distress, or disparagement) on a child in the family, including effects on the child's mental or other physical disorders." That is also a good description of how parental alienation comes about.

Factitious disorder imposed on another is the DSM-5 terminology for factitious disorder by proxy or Munchausen disorder by proxy. Its definition is "falsification of physical or psychological signs or symptoms, or induction of injury or disease, in another, associated with identified deception." In some cases, that would describe the behavior of the alienating parent.

Delusional symptoms in partner of individual with delusional disorder is the DSM-5 terminology for shared psychotic disorder or folie a deux. The definition is: "In the context of a relationship, the delusional material from the dominant partner provides content for delusional belief by the individual who may not otherwise entirely meet criteria for delusional disorder."

In discussing this topic, I would say that the concept of parental alienation is clearly in DSM-5, although the actual words are not. This is a great improvement over DSM-IV-TR, especially with the addition of the new diagnoses, child psychological abuse and child affected by parental relationship distress.

Dr. Bernet is currently working with PAAO to present a webinar on this subject in the next 2 - 3 weeks. We will notify you of the details shortly.

The next mental health manual to be revised is the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems or the IDC-11. Watch for ways to have your say about Parental Alienation in time for inclusion there as well.

Webinar 2013 Newsletter

2013

Dr. Bernet's Webinar for 2013.

What's in the DSM 5 to help alienated children?

Sunday June 30 at 8pm eastern time

Dr. Bernet will be our introductory webinar guest for this years series of webinars. Dr. Bernet is the lead psychiatrist of the Parental Alienation Study Group ,PASG, the group who was influential in having PA behaviours considered and eventually placed into the DSM 5.

To register for this webinar, click here.

Registration will ensure you are given the internet access details for the webinar. There is a $10 registration fee which can be paid online as well.

Equal shared parenting

To the extent that sole custody given to one parent after divorce increases the possibility of PA on a child, many of our readers have expressed support for equal shared parenting assumptions. We felt this was a story of interest to many of you. Germany has passed legislation that will grant previously locked out parents the right to joint custody in circumstances where the parents remain unmarried. For those of you who understand German, the news-broadcast can be veiwed here.

In North America, a new organization has been formed to advocate for Equal Shared Parenting. LEADING WOMEN 4 SHARED PARENTING (Canada) can be found by clicking here.

The International Access and Visitation Centers conference was held in Toronto last month.

PAAO was there and spoke to most of the 200 or so practitioners. Of course all were familiar with alienation and it's results. Everyone was not only gratified to see PAAO at the event, they all also acknowledged that PA is either a form of Domestic violence or on the continuum of Domestic Violence behaviours.

The sale of books and other materials covered the costs of the event for PAAO.

" There never was a time when a major social problem was solved by beating a child. And there never will be such a time… For centuries adults have injured children and have lied about it, and other adults have heard those lies and then merely turned away."

~ Surgeon General Dr. C. Everett Koop, 1989

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Guys With Kids (Important Discussion):

Dwyane Wade’s Custody Dispute a Classic Case of Parental Alienation - Fathers & Families

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