And, with 40% of working women out-earning their husbands, women are more and more becoming alimony PAYORS.

FLORIDA’S ALIMONY PAYORS
– ON THE GANGPLANK OR TREADING WATER

As a non-profit organization, Florida Alimony Reform’s lifeboat pulls alimony PAYORS out of treacherous waters by providing education, support and the political platform to stimulate legislative change.

Their mission is to improve Florida’s alimony law memorialized in the 1860’s and slightly tweaked in 2012 – so that both party’s – the potential PAYOR and RECIPIENT of alimony – are equally considered before alimony is awarded and during their lifetime for changes in circumstances.

With a new alimony bill submitted for review to the Florida legislative in September 2015, opposition continually makes alimony a feminist issue – but it seems to be more about who has the most money.

And, with 40% of working women out-earning their husbands, women are more and more becoming alimony PAYORS.

During a recent committee meeting, women testified tearfully about hardships for their children – and while family matters tend to be emotional for men and women, it is important to note that Florida’s Alimony Law has nothing to do with Florida’s Child Support Law.

In addition to increasing the fairness and reducing costs for divorce and alimony proceedings, if passed, the new alimony bill would not be retroactive, and will not result in termination of alimony for senior women, who represent less than 1% of alimony recipients.

The new alimony bill has a lot of support behind it, as Florida’s citizens are PAYORS that must live with the uncertainty of how they can pay – once they no longer can work.

In other words, how the State of Florida should consider changes in their circumstances – for example, when PAYORS are burdened with dramatic drops or complete stops in income, at retirement when social security starts, and when permanent or temporary medical and handicapped conditions arise.

Worse, rarely do the RECIPIENTS changes in circumstances come into play – such as when a RECIPIENT is fully supported by a live-in partner and no longer needs alimony to survive – or when a RECIPIENT is qualified to work but holds off looking for a job because they would lose alimony.

Current law does not afford the PAYOR nor RECIPIENT to plan for the future. If elected officials do not bring some measure of predictability and fairness to the equation, both sides can end up bankrupt when the PAYOR’s income stream ends.

Support Florida Alimony Reform at FixAlimony.com, or call 800-239-0867.

First Husbands Advocacy Group - Florida Alimony and Custody Laws Reform We LOVE and THANK Representative Ritch Workman for all his hard work, determination, and passionate support for Alimony Reform.

This is his speech from the 2015 Legislative Session.

It is powerful, heartfelt, and inspiring. The legislators and the Florida Bar Family Law Section are in agreement about the need for alimony reform. It is long overdue.

On January 12, 2016 the Florida Legislature session begins and we are confident Alimony Reform will finally be a reality. 

There is overwhelming support for Representative Burton's HB 455 and Senator Kelli Stargel's companion SB 668. 

https://youtu.be/9iBlfPVYwIg

A Florida Judge's Horrible Idea on Family Law Reform.

What does alimony have to do with “The Baby Mama Syndrome”? Next to nothing. Only married people getting a divorce can get alimony. On the other hand, Florida legislators keep trying to pass alimony “reform,” a code word for changing the law to the disadvantage of people who need protection or help.

The proponents of “alimony reform” combine it with a provision that would require a judge to “presume” that parents, whether they’re married to each other or not, are entitled to 50-50 time-sharing of their children. In other words, the judge would be told by the law to assume that each parent is entitled to have the child half the time.

That’s a horrible idea.

Alienating Children From "FIT" and "WILLING" Parents Is A Form Of Child Abuse...isn't it?

Children and parents who have undergone forced separation from each other in the absence of abuse, including cases of parental alienation, are highly subject to post-traumatic stress, and reunification efforts in these cases should proceed carefully and with sensitivity. Alienated children seem to have a secret wish for someone to call their bluff, compelling them to reconnect with the parent they claim to hate; despite strongly held positions of alignment, alienated children want nothing more than to be given the permission and freedom to loveand be loved by both parents (Baker, 2010). Yet the influence of the alienating parent is too strong to withstand, and children’s fear that the alienating parent may fall apart or withdraw his or her love holds them back. Research has shown that many alienated children can transform quickly from refusing or staunchly resisting the rejected parent to being able to show and receive love from that parent, followed by an equally swift shift back to the alienated position when back in the orbit of the alienating parent (Fidler and Bala, 2010). Thus while children’s stated wishes regarding parental residence and contact in contested custody afterdivorce should be considered, they should not be determinative in cases of parental alienation.

Reunification efforts subsequent to prolonged absence should be undertaken with service providers with specialized expertise in parental alienation reunification. A number of models of intervention have been developed, the best-known being Warshak’s (2010) Family Bridges Program, an educative and experiential program focused on multiple goals: allowing the child to have a healthy relationship with both parents, removing the child from the parental conflict, and encouraging child autonomy, multiple perspective-taking, and critical thinking. Sullivan’s Overcoming Barriers Family Camp (Sullivan et al, 2010), which combines psycho-educational and clinical intervention within an environment of milieu therapy, is aimed toward the development of an agreement regarding the sharing of parenting time, and a written aftercare plan. Friedlander and Walters’ (2010) Multimodal Family Intervention provides differential interventions for situations of parental alignment, alienation, enmeshment and estrangement. All of these programs emphasize the clinical significance of children coming to regard their parents as equally valued and important in their lives, while at the same time helping enmeshed children relinquish their protective role toward their alienating parents.

In reunification programs, alienated parents will benefit from guidelines with respect to their efforts to provide a safe, comfortable, open and inviting atmosphere for their children. Ellis (2005) outlines five strategies for alienated parents: (1) erode children’s negative image by providing incongruent information; (2) refrain from actions that put the child in the middle of conflict; (3) consider ways to mollify the anger and hurt of the alienating parent; (4) look for ways to dismantle the coalition between the child and alienating parent and convert enemies to allies; and (5) never give up on reunification efforts. As much as possible, Warshak (2010) recommends, alienated parents should try to expose their children to people who regard them, as parents, with honor and respect, to let children see that their negative opinion, and the opinion of the alienating parent, is not shared by the rest of the world. This type of experience will leave a stronger impression than anything the alienated parent can say on his or her own behalf, according to Warshak.

As Baker (2010) writes, alienated parents acutely feel the hostility and rejection of their children. These children seem cruel, heartless, and devaluing of their parents. Yet it is important to realize that from the child’s perspective, it is the targeted parent who has rejected them; they have been led to believe that the parent whom they are rejecting does not love them, is unsafe, and has abandoned them. Thus, the primary response of the alienated parent must always be one of loving compassion, emotional availability, and absolute safety. Patience and hope, unconditional love, being there for the child, is the best response that alienated parents can provide their children, even in the face of the sad truth that this may not be enough to bring back the child.

With alienating parents, it is important to emphasize that as responsible parenting involves respecting the other parent’s role in the child’s life, any form of denigration of a former partner and co-parent is harmful to children. Children’s connections to each parent must be fully respected, to ensure their well being, as children instinctively know, at the core of their being, that they are half their mother and half their father. This is easier said than done, as alienating parents are themselves emotionally fragile, with a prodigious sense of entitlement and need to control (Richardson, 2006), and thus pose significant clinical challenges. Yet poisoned minds and instilled hatred toward a parent is a very serious form of abuse of children. When children grow up in an atmosphere of parental alienation, their primary role model is a maladaptive, dysfunctional parent. It is for this reason that many divorce specialists (e.g., Fidler and Bala, 2010) recommend custody reversal in such cases, or at least a period of separation between a child and an alienating parent during the reunification process with an alienated parent. I have come to believe, however, that the means of combating alienation should not themselves be alienating, and that a non-punitive approach is most effective, with co-parenting being the primary goal. Thus engaging and involving the alienating parent in reunification programs, whenever possible, is critical (Sullivan et al, 2010).

Excerpt Source: Edward Kruk Ph.D. - Co-Parenting After Divorce

Parent-Child Reunification After Alienation

Thank you to the members and supporters of Parental Alienation Awareness Organization USA North Texas Chapter who made valuable contributions to the article, both with personal stories and expert advice.

PAAO ~ "Parental Alienation is either a form of Domestic Violence or on the continuum of Domestic Violence behaviors."

Any parent who is deprived of his or her child, even though temporarily, suffers grievous loss.

Such loss deserves extensive due process protection.

Does a wife who may have driven a husband to suicide with the assistance of our corrupt family court system, then have a legal right to claim copyright — of his suicide note?

According to attorney Rachelle E. Hill, of Bean, Kinney and Korman, and a judge, that is precisely the claim. Their lawyer has written the offices of A Voice for Men to demand that we remove a post from the forums containing the note.

It is not going to happen.

The text of the note was posted to our forums months ago. We considered doing a feature story on it at the time, but opted not to because we had no credible corroboration that the story was factual.

Attorney Hill, her law firm, and the suicide victim’s former wife have now resolved that matter to our satisfaction. The demand letter itself is sufficient for us to believe that the following note is genuine.*

Don't you lose hope, your daddy is here!

The poem below was sent by ACFC member and supporter Mike H. In it he captures the essence of lost Christmas' many men experience but ends in a way that exudes the attitude of a father determined to overcome the challenge of being separated from his children. Together, with the same attitude we will overcome this system that pits family member against family member.

Three Dark Christmases

The first and the darkest painful Yule Tide
Came after a year of chasing my bride

Her anger as cold as the winter snow
Was buried so deep, how could a man know?

With hope I had ventured across the land
Hoping in Heaven to still hold her hand
I was ignorant of her hateful plan

To steal from me children, loves of my life
Who would suspect that from his lovely wife?

We were celebrating Christmas that day
And because I was no longer away

My goal to make that Christmas so lovely
But that painful day I would have spared you

The pain you would feel when mommy would say... I hate you! Get out! While nearby you played

How shocking it was on that hateful morn
To learn that mommy viewed daddy with scorn

Stunned I was also, my child and my joy
To hear words of hate come out of your mom

Your mother, my lover, my friend and wife

Gave me no warning of this change in life

"Get out" I did, twas the last time I saw
You, or spoke to you for many weeks more

We met the next week on a frigid night
I can recall the thought, can I save this?

Perhaps I might remind her of fam-ly
Of children and of happier times when

Our love was stronger. I thought I'd prevail
I'm sorry my child, my love, but I failed

I asked her for reasons that fateful night
The answer she gave me was quite a slight

"You're not good enough for me" said my wife
The worst seven words I’ve heard in my life

Shocked, I went through the daily motions of

Routine, hoping I'd wake from this bad dream

Thinking the worst part was over for me
Soon did I learn that I was not quite right

When six weeks had passed since that Christmas night

Being apart from the loves of my life

The weeks turned to months that we were apart
And I almost did succumb to my heart

Until one day I finally “got it.”
I am a father, and fathers don't quit.

Back home to my fam-ly is where I went
Feeling a failure to my Heaven-sent

I went back to regroup, and back to heal
I went back to learn of strength unrevealed

Strength that was born of a weakness profound

Broken and humbled, 'twas self love I found

To learn that to love you, I first must love Me.
Because a daddy who hates himself
Cannot a good daddy be

I attacked with a passion flaws I had
Because nothing is better than being "Dad"

During these dark months, often I would say:
“Know I will always love you and be near
I will never give up, my child, don't fear”

Well, another dark Christmas came last year
I spent all I had to bring Yuletide Cheer

No way! Not a chance! Is what she did say
These children are mine! You just go away!

Just a short visit, I begged and I pled.
But she slammed the door and wished I were dead

I learned that tears can freeze, that Christmas day
A message from God to strengthen my heart
For His children need a daddy who's smart

Into the snow I went pondering this
Onto the motel I brought all your gifts
Thinking of ways for your spirits to lift

A visit we had, and love we did share
It wasn't on Christmas, and though not fair

Was happy to see you. I didn't care
How much you had grown! Your feet and your hair!

Telling you Daddy would always be there
And noticing that now you might not care

Stuffing this fear because I know what's right
A child needs a daddy on Christmas night
Well, Daddy is here, loves; this is not right

I gave you my love, hon, in that short time
That time they allowed, so short twas a crime
There's never been danger from me, my love

Never did I harm my purpose for life
No, we're both victims of a bitter wife

Sure, mistakes I have made during my life
But nothing that merits this bitter strife

Frozen tears I pondered on my way home
And the lessons you'll miss before you're grown

If this dad gave up on this fight of fights
I will not. I cannot. This just ain't right

So a team I did hire to help me win
This unfortunate battle that's a sin

And money they did charge, hand over fist
It was payment toward our big Christmas list

But when Christmas season was 'round the bend
I realized no money I had to spend

To pay for more promises unfulfilled
And support the local lawyers guild

So I parted ways with my lawyers then
And approached the third Christmas, now darkened

But have heart in this story my children
This is where good things will really begin

Know that your daddy has a plan for you
Because frankly, there's nothing I won't do

As I write this on Christmas the third so far
Please know my darlings that daddy's going to war

No more tears will I shed for the time that we've lost
No more lamenting the exorbitant cost

Of fighting to see you so little it hurts
No more will I let lawyers make things worse

No, they've woken a tiger whose efforts won't wain
They've taunted a father whose children are in pain
It's time that this daddy dealt some of the same

So don't you despair this Christmas my loves
Send those scary thoughts to God up above

He loves you like me, and knows what you need
Ask him to bless Daddy with strength and speed

Your heavenly father will never fail
I know cuz he's carried me through this tale

See he's my Father, too, and he loves me
A perfect example of fathering

He has a big plan, and it involves us
Being together for our next Christmas

Having this knowledge, this passion, this love
Has caused your daddy to take off the gloves

Within legal bounds I will focus my strikes
Just anger will focus my thoughts at night

Bad things come in threes, they always do say
So we're about due for a lovely day

So don't you lose hope, your daddy is here
There's no reason for sadness, or of fear

Your father, he loves you. He'll make this right
Let's see if these bastards know how to fight

Guns Don't Kill People Single Parent Homes Do!

Rick Santorum: Guns Don't Kill People, Single Parent Homes Do

What if you get pregnant, your partner has abandoned you, and you happen to live in Missouri where there is ONE clinic which provides abortions? What if you're also financially or geographically unable to exercise that particular option? The Republicans have made sure that you must birth that baby, welcome to single-parenthood! According to GOP Presidential 'hopeful' Rick Santorum, you will be the leading cause of gun violence. You thought things were bleak and hopeless before, now you're carrying the weight of this country's gun violence problem squarely on your expectant shoulders.

Parental Alienation Should Be Punishable By Criminal Law!

What Loving Fathers Do For Their Children

Okay, so you’re the Dad. That means you want to be Mr. Generous, and you want to make sure your children have everything. Good for you.

But the best we can do for our children has very little to do with passing over the keys to a new car, hooking Jr. up with that fly pair of $200 sneakers, or making sure your offspring attend the finest schools. What loving fathers “do” is to provide a framework in which kids can grow up to be the very best young people they can possibly be.

Our opportunity, as loving All Pro Dads, is to craft the kind of environment where such growth is possible. There’s a lot we can do – and the following “10 Things loving fathers do for their children” are a great place to start:

1. Loving fathers… love their children’s mother: This is huge – possibly the most beneficial intervention dads can do on behalf of their children. Love your wife without reservation - you can’t do much more for your kids than that.
2. Love them unconditionally: Make sure that your children know you love them “no matter what.” Don’t confuse this with permissiveness - unconditional love does nothing to encourage the wrong kind of behavior. In fact, kids who are secure in their father’s love tend to act out less, not more.
3. Grow up: We’re talking about the dads here, not the kids! Children don’t want another buddy - they want a dad. They want someone who thinks things through, makes tough decisions and engages life with responsibility – someone they can count on.
4. Be there: “Quality time” is all well and good… but it has nothing on quantity time. Make the time. Everyone has the same 24 hours available. Make yours count.
5. Provide: Just do it.
   - A stable home
   - Love and affection
   - Material needs
   - Presence
6. Discipline: Children appreciate an even hand, balance, accountability and love-drenched discipline. It’s called consistency, and without clearly defined boundaries, it is very difficult to grow up.
7. Value education: Don’t just read to them – read with them. Don’t just fuss about grades – get involved with their homework. Don’t just talk about learning – be a hands-on advocate
8. Raise them to leave: The simple goal of being a family, of parenting our children, doesn’t look any more complicated than this: raise them well equipped to leave home and to establish faithful lives.
9. Teach them to take responsibility: Kids who learn how to duck responsibility and avoid cost will – sooner or later – fall flat on their faces. Loving fathers make sure their children know how to own up, clean up, and move forward.
10. Teach them to love this life: The best predictor of happiness in children is happiness in their parents. If we learn how to love this life, and then give that blessing to our kids, then they will be well prepared for satisfaction
    
    
    

Faces of the Family Law Crisis

Faces of the Family Court Crisis from James Hall Photography on Vimeo.

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If you are a child or adult survivor of the divorce courts and would like to share your story online or with the news media, please contact us at info@centerforjudicialexcellence.org. Any funders who are interested in supporting the expansion of this project are also encouraged to contact Kathleen Russell at this same email address. Thank you for your interest.

Together, we can fix it!

Because judges don't want a accurate reflection of what takes place in family hearings. Why believe your own eyes and ears when you can just listen to the "honorable judge"? Mandatory recording of ALL family hearings is an issue I am contacting our local legislators to sponsor as a bill to become law/ rule etc.(HINT, HINT, HINT) The majority if not all 20 circuit courts have the ability to record audio/video effortlessly but many judges if not all decline to. If recording family hearings is left to a judge's discretion it won't happen. FYI we don't need a little old lady pecking away at a machine to record hearings it is done digitally and cheaply in a lot of court rooms.